Tag Archives: friends

Friendship is a rarity these days, very rare.  What should be rare is parents being friends to children. Parents should not be friends to their children.  One of the reasons that teens become “troubled” is due to the fact that their child is treated as a friend, and not as a child.  Our children are way above the level of “friends”.  The love and consideration toward a child is unconditional, without limits of grace, mercy, and commitment.  But there is also tremendous responsibility

True friendship looks more like “acquaintanceship”. Or, as my brother once stated, “friends are either true, or they are ‘fair-weathered…. meaning, when adversity hits, when trials and tribulations arise, they scatter like roaches when the lights turn on, or like rats leaving a sinking ship…” I have two different types of friends. The true friends that are with me through thick and thin (accepting me with all my faults – there are many!) and the fair-weather friends (people who use me as long as it’s convenient and comfortable and serves them personally). The first group is “called” to friendship and follows a greater purpose, and the other group is self-focused and insecure, self-centered, and I’m called to serve them anyway (love your neighbor).

I love my fair-weathered friends. They are my gift, my service, my reason for living. It’s my calling to love those who are unlovable, untrustworthy, and lonely (exactly the way I was before I met my Lord and Savior, Jesus). My true friends sustain me and will always be there to “add”, “give”, and “contribute”… My true friends have been called to love me, keeping me fresh and strong, knowing that I need refreshment as I am stabbed and abused in the service toward my fair-weathered friends.

What does this mean to parents of troubled teens? Our children are not our friends, and we are in service to God as we sow into their lives. We invest into them because we are called to do so and we are to look for nothing in return. It’s never about us, it’s about them and we are “called” to serve, especially the children who are self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered. There are no “fair-weather parents”. There are good parents and bad parents (there are no “perfect parents”, only obedient parents who are plugged into and sustained by faith alone… Who know their calling, and it’s never about comfort). Therefore, we are to see everyone (our children and all other people) as family members, as brothers and sisters, daughters, and sons… There are no friends! There are only opportunities to serve or to be selfish!

God calls us His children and Jesus calls us “brothers” and “sisters”. We are all one family. Some of us are surrogate parents (true friends called to serve the “other children” of God) without judgment or want. Meaning, we are truly one big family (brothers, sisters, moms and dads) or God is not telling us the truth. We either believe (what He says about us in the Bible) or we don’t.

Therefore, when it comes to friends they are “my calling”, my family! Fair-weathered friends are my favorite, and it’s not about what they do for us (comfort, convenience, pleasure, ease, fun, enjoyment…), it’s what we do in obedience and the fulfillment of our purpose! To my fair-weathered back stabbing selfish weak-willed friends… You ROCK! It’s by grace that we are saved, and by grace I love you, forgive you, and will continue to serve you (Matthew chapter 5). In humility I truly love those who have scorned me, turned their backs to me, sold me out for some silver! I love you and because of you I am alive! And… I am no different, no better, and no higher than you! By grace alone am I anything, and nothing of myself!

Parents… You are to give up receiving anything in return from parenting your children. They are not your friend, and they are not there for you (your pleasure, ease, convenience…). You exist for them as you have been called to serve God in obedience!

Related articles

• True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Submission to Authority – Teen Challenge Teaching (articles.troubledteensearch.com)
• Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
• Abundant Life Academy Teaches Freedom & Individual Liberties (behavioralhealthhub.com)