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Tag Archives: Coaching
True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends
True friendship is a rarity these days, especially here in the west (North American Christian people). True friendship looks more like “acquaintanceship”. Or, as my brother once stated, “friends are either true, or they are ‘fair-weathered…. meaning, when adversity hits, when trials and tribulations arise, they scatter like roaches when the lights turn on, or like rats leaving a sinking ship…” I have two different types of friends. The true friends that are with me through thick and thin (accepting me with all my faults – there are many!) and the fair-weather friends (people who use me as long as it’s convenient and comfortable and serves them personally). The first group is “called” to friendship and follows a greater purpose, and the other group is self-focused and insecure, self-centered, and I’m called to serve them anyway (love your neighbor).
I love my fair-weathered friends. They are my gift, my service, my reason for living. It’s my calling to love those who are unlovable, untrustworthy, and lonely (exactly the way I was before I met my Lord and Savior, Jesus). My true friends sustain me and will always be there to “add”, “give”, and “contribute”… My true friends have been called to love me, keeping me fresh and strong, knowing that I need refreshment as I am stabbed and abused in the service toward my fair-weathered friends.
What does this mean to parents of troubled teens? Our children are not our friends, and we are in service to God as we sow into their lives. We invest into them because we are called to do so and we are to look for nothing in return. It’s never about us, it’s about them and we are “called” to serve, especially the children who are self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered. There are no “fair-weather parents”. There are good parents and bad parents (there are no “perfect parents”, only obedient parents who are plugged into and sustained by faith alone… Who know their calling, and it’s never about comfort). Therefore, we are to see everyone (our children and all other people) as family members, as brothers and sisters, daughters, and sons… There are no friends! There are only opportunities to serve or to be selfish!
God calls us His children and Jesus calls us “brothers” and “sisters”. We are all one family. Some of us are surrogate parents (true friends called to serve the “other children” of God) without judgment or want. Meaning, we are truly one big family (brothers, sisters, moms and dads) or God is not telling us the truth. We either believe (what He says about us in the Bible) or we don’t.
Therefore, when it comes to friends they are “my calling”, my family! Fair-weathered friends are my favorite, and it’s not about what they do for us (comfort, convenience, pleasure, ease, fun, enjoyment…), it’s what we do in obedience and the fulfillment of our purpose! To my fair-weathered back stabbing selfish weak-willed friends… You ROCK! It’s by grace that we are saved, and by grace I love you, forgive you, and will continue to serve you (Matthew chapter 5). In humility I truly love those who have scorned me, turned their backs to me, sold me out for some silver! I love you and because of you I am alive! And… I am no different, no better, and no higher than you! By grace alone am I anything, and nothing of myself!
Parents… You are to give up receiving anything in return from parenting your children. They are not your friend, and they are not there for you (your pleasure, ease, convenience…). You exist for them as you have been called to serve God in obedience!
Working with troubled teens in pain
Coercive approach discipline vs. Strength-Based Intervention: Meeting the Needs of Troubled Teens in Pain
For two centuries, there have been attempts to eliminate coercive discipline practices in education and treatment. At Abundant Life Academy (ALA), a Christian boarding school for troubled teens, we have found the effectual use of the “Strength-Based Intervention. At Abundant Life Academy we don’t believe in the coercive approach. The coercive approach is the authoritarian (parent/staff) use of punishment, restrictions from privileges, restrictions from friends, restrictions from their belongings). ALA uses Positive Peer Culture (PPC), a student driven community-based leadership program where the students are responsible for each other, for their community, and are called to protect pro-social norms. The PPC is a student run community where the students support one another, coach each other, and expect greatness for everyone. Abundant Life Academy is all about choice, accountability, and responsibility for themselves, each other, and the community (including all Staff).
Now, a new positive view of working with troubled teens that focuses on identifying the teen’s strengths, which lead to “resilient outcomes”. When the needs of teens are not met, they can show a wide range of emotional and behavioral problems (acting out behavior). These behavioral problems indicate that troubled children and youth are reacting to distressing life circumstances, most of which they have created themselves, with “pain-based behavior” (which is another way of describing “acting out behavior”). Those who deal with such behavior often lack the necessary understanding and emotional restraint (skills to prevent and manage crisis situations), and therefore they respond with “pain-based responses). Essentially, the teen’s “pain-based behavior” is met with coercive interventions from the parent, teacher, coach, youth pastor, policemen, and most other adults. Among the most inadequate and counter-productive measures to manage “pain-based behavior” is to practices restraint and seclusion. Restraint is to take away freedom, access, and relationships, secluding the teen through age-old methods such as “restriction”. In other words a teen that is being “corrected” is forbidden to leave the house, cell and land phones taken away, can’t play that “vial” music, and absolutely cannot hang out with those negative friends.
There is a vast difference between coercive and strength-base strategies. When it comes to the point of managing teen behavior there is a polarization between coercive and strength-based approaches. At Abundant Life Academy we designed our program philosophies around the strength-based philosophy. Unfortunately, most adults (parents and staff) are entrenched in the “coercive” ways of punishment that they really struggle to let go of life-long deeply engrained reacts to the acting out teen. What is even more troublesome is the fact that the students-leaders of ALA immediately use their leadership authority to attempt to punish their peers who are acting out. In spite of the obvious ineffectiveness of coercion, the punishment/restriction/oppression style approach still persists in most adults (parents and staff), and the belief that coercion works for maintaining order and discipline is very hard to uproot and eliminate.
The alternative to coercion is found in the strength-based restorative approach. To be effective with the strength-based philosophy parents, staff, and students must be trained to provide the skills necessary that will transform adversarial relationships caused by the “authoritarian” coercion. Essentially, the parents, staff, and students all need to make a major paradigm shift, which will only come through intensive training and “real world application”. Since the “restoration” and corrective approach to boarding school programs cascade down from leadership levels (Parents and Directors) through staff (Life Coaches) to the students, training should involve everyone. To switch over to the strength-based approach, and find successful transformation and internal growth, there must be total “buy-in” from all parties. Without total buy-in we have the same old problems with the same old outcomes (US vs THEM).
Teenagers in conflict need positive “life coaches” from parents, staff, and their peers. This requires the creation of a safe emotional environment, respectful relationships built on “trust, care, and serve”, and unified group-community climates focused on “serving one another”. Unfortunately, most adults and peer leaders feel threatened (loss of power, authority, respect, and control) from teens under their care. Those who feel threatened (parents, staff, peer leaders) often retaliate with hostility or the threat of restriction. When this occurs the troubled teen reacts in kind, escalating the conflict, and therefore the “dance of insanity” begins. Pain-based behavior is reacted to by the parent’s or staff’s own pain-based behavior (punishment, restriction, humiliation) and therefore a power struggle begins. The adult or peer leader will attempt to regain control (manage the pain-based reactions) by asserting authority and taking away power from the acting out teen. In these cases there are no winners, only losers, and where the “dance of insanity” is inadvertently supported.
At the core of all emotional and behavioral problems are unmet needs. In most cases the Abundant Life Academy student has his/her needs met in every way, so it is their “perception” of unmet needs that cause the pain-based behavior (acting out episodes). To a teen, their perception, real or imagined, is the absolute truth. They are 110% convinced that they are the victims of adults, victims of unfairness, victims that have the right to blame others for their particular unmet needs. In some cases, troubled teens believe that they have an absolute right to do as they wish, to hang out with the wrong crowd, dress and talk as they wish, drop out of school, start smoking, drinking, and using drugs. They feel as though their parents are the victimizers, restricting the rights of the child to live and do as they wish.
Any authority that sets forth rules, regulations, or laws that forbid the teen to act in the way they want (I want, what I want, when I want it) become the victimizer, and the teen’s perception is that all authority is gay, stupid, and retarded. This teen believes that they have the absolute right to a cell phone, access to friends, and they demand that all rules restricting their behaviors are “ruining their lives”. At Abundant Life Academy we call this “Entitlementitis”, or extreme emotional immaturity. There is no way to reason with a teen that is trapped in this self-centered mindset. Therefore, the most common approach that parents, teachers, law enforcement officers do to react to a child’s entitlement issues is to restrict and restrain their movements, their actions, their relationships, and their freedom. It sounds good, and it does have an impact. Unfortunately, it has the opposite reaction than what is expected. These immature teens fight the loss of their control, and their acting out behavior gets worse.
The truth is that parents and authority figures find it difficult to recognize or respond to the teen’s unmet needs because the teen really doesn’t have unmet needs, these needs are only ridiculous perceptions of what the teen believes he/she is entitled too. Moreover, the troubled teen’s disruptive behavior is so outrageous it calls for “extreme interventions.” The parent and all authority figures believe that they must maintain safety, order, and discipline. Therefore they enact a variety of coercive interventions that are widely accepted as corrective measures. Adults are convinced that these measures serve the best interest of the troubled teen, despite the obvious ineffectiveness.
Abundant Life Academy wants to train parents, staff, and students to look at the routine use of coercive methods used to control and discipline troubled teens. We want everyone to pay special attention to the “restraint and seclusion” approach to managing behaviors of troubled teens (entitled self-centeredness), and then compare them to the strength-based alternatives. We are attempting to get 110% buy-in to the strength-base approach so that we can use the evidence of the outcome to become our new teacher. Meaning, if it works, then we will get the buy-in that leads to total restoration and growth.
Pain-Based Behavior
Most authority figures focus on the observable problem behavior, behavior that is ridiculous, selfish, immature, retarded, annoying, and causes the adult to be irritated, distracted, put off, and angry. Unfortunately we ignore the internal reasons of “why”? Why is this kid acting out, acting retarded, making foolish choices, acting like an idiot? Parents often state, “We didn’t raise you this way!” Parents are completely confused and perplexed. They have no idea how to relate to this kind of behavior (even though as teens they may have displayed the same behaviors). There are many factors that may be causing the emotional immaturity and acting out. We already mentioned that the base of the behavior is “unmet needs”. Many of the factors (unmet needs) are not based in reality, therefore parents miss the mark and are left with a major lack of understanding, therefore a lack of empathy, therefore a lack of connectivity, therefore a lack of resolve with no progress or success. Therefore the parent is left with more frustration, more confusion, and more coercion.
One of the most important factors that lead to the pain-based behavior is the teens perspective that their “pain, or internal conflict/confusion is not understood by the adult care givers.” Other teens understand their internal pain, but most adults are clueless, and show no desire to understand. Therefore, over a period of time the “Us vs. Them” mentality sets in. The troubled teen becomes more isolated from healthy relationships, and they began to seek out and cling to peers who seem to “understand” their plight. Unfortunately, collusion between troubled and misunderstood teens is not good. The spiral downward is ready to begin. The more the teen acts out his/her pain-based behavior, the further he/she is driven away from the adult, and they more they seek out the collusion from other frustrated teens. It now gets worse. Parents, trying to regain control, restrict the troubled teen from the collusional relationships, the very people who “understand” their internal battle. The troubled teen in this case becomes more troubled. They will find a way, through complete defiance if need be, to reconnect to the unhealthy peer relationships. The same is true with sex, drugs, alcohol, and other forms of defiance. The troubled teen finds “understanding and comfort” in the use of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Meaning, during these subculture activities, the troubled teen feels “understood” and acceptance. Unfortunately they don’t see the dangers, the consequences, or the eventual loss of all things important to them. When the parents find out about these anti-social influences they radically restrict their teen from engaging in “that group”.
Emotional distress within the ALA student is the root of the “pain-based behavior”. The typical ALA student is usually not a deviant, or a bad kid. Good parents with the best intentions have raised the ALA students. They come form healthy environments, good homes, and they have been somewhat protected from the hardships and problems that are found in dysfunctional families. In many cases, it’s very bizarre to imagine that the typical ALA student is emotionally distressed or disturbed. There are no obvious “reasons”. But, to the teen their “perceived” problems are just as real as those who have actually experienced major trauma. Most ALA students have been “rescued” over and over again by a “helicopter” parent, hovering, and controlling every situation. The helicopter parent has good intentions when they blame their child’s educational performance on the teacher, or the school, or the child’s friends. The helicopter parent sends a powerful message that the child hears their entire life. They hear, “I am not able to handle my affairs, and when I make bad choices I will not be held responsible, therefore I don’t care what I have done, I am the victim”. Of course, there is the harsh controlling parent that criticizes their child while overlooking his/her accomplishments and triumphs. To the harsh critical parent their child’s behavior is never good enough, and they can do better. There is also the parent that lives out their unmet needs through their child’s life. Every decision made about the child is not “about” the child at all. It’s about the parent and their comforts, meeting their needs, despite what is good for the child.
The sad part is that not many people are equipped to recognize the pain that is hidden underneath all the outrageous behavior (acting out behavior). The normal response to a teens acting out behavior is a direct brutal verbal lashing and a threat of punishment. Another response will be to restrict the teen from his/her friends (take away the computer, the internet, and the cell phone), restrict them from freedom of movement (restricting them to home, taking away their car, keeping them from hanging out with friends). Parents who respond to their troubled teen will tell you that these responses don’t work, and they will go so far as to say they are counter-productive. Meaning, these responses make the situation worse. Those same parents will tell you that even though they don’t work they will continue to respond in the same manner.
The troubled behavior of entitled teens are closely related to the real state of emotional distress of a child who has experience severe abuse, neglect, and interference of natural development. Meaning, that well-balanced and healthy teens who are entitled experience emotional distresses as if they were in a very dysfunctional and abusive environment growing up. Many distresses, real or perceived, can disrupt well-being:
- Physical stressors produce physiological distress. Examples are abuse, as well as neglect of basic needs for food, sleep, shelter, and safety.
- Emotional stressors produce psychological distress as experienced in feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt, and worthlessness.
- Social stressors frustrate normal growth needs by interfering with the development of attachment, achievement, autonomy, and altruism.
Teens in conflict (favoring their peers over their family, beginning to engage in behaviors they once knew to be wrong [alcohol and drug use, sexual activity, sneaking out and lying to parents, skipping classes and dropping out of school, criminal behavior, etc]) experience internal or external distress that triggers pain-based emotions, and therefore pain-based behavior. Ironically, coercive response from the parents, staff, or peers intensifies this distress (perceived or real). In fact, the word punishment comes from the Latin word poèna, which means pain. No responsible parent would punish a small child for crying out in pain, but would try to address the unmet needs. No medical professional would try to administer more pain to a patient in pain. But coercive pain-based responses involve “fighting pain with pain”.
Abundant Life Academy bears the moral obligation to insure the emotional safety of the ALA students, all the while serving the best interests of students in their care. Values of respect for ALA students are intentionally taught, and staff is trained to protect the teen’s dignity. This requires training in “the spirit of positive results” rather than just in techniques (manipulation) in gaining control over acting out behavior. Pain-based responses by adults do not protect children, and they only temporarily give relief to the adult. The temporary relief turns into increased negative behavior, it’s only a matter of time. Unless Abundant Life Academy is transparent, willing to admit its flaws and imperfections, and all persons (staff, and students) have a voice, there is a high risk of pain-based responses from staff and student leaders, which inadvertently increase the acting out behavior which leads to deeper negative subcultures of both staff and students (opposing each other).
The argument that a coercive method of behavioral management “works” it does not legitimatize its use. The use of the coercion will pit the staff and student leaders against the students who are caught up in the pain-based behavioral acting out. The last thing the staff and student leaders want to do is create further division between authority and students, or reinforce the “Us vs. Them” environment. The truth is that the staff and student leaders are responsible for protecting everyone from their own self-destructive acts (pain-based behaviors). To refrain from responding with pain-based behavior, and to use “strength-base” responses to support and respect the students can serve as a “core” value within the student community. Therefore, the staff, student leaders, and the students can have a place of emotional safety, where everyone has a voice, and all concerned come to know that everyone wants the best for the students, leading to trust, open discussion, and adoption of pro-social norms and values.
Abundant Life Academy employs the notion that teens have self-righting potential and innate strengths for resilient (overcoming problems). At ALA we believe that the teens problems are the result of obstructions of social and emotional growth. Therefore, there are obstructions of “well-being” and no urgency for emotional growth. The focus, unfortunately, is on the troubled teen’s “acting out behavior”, and not on their emotional safety and growth. For teens to thrive, their basic physical needs must be met, as well as their need for attachment, achievement, autonomy, and altruism. This is referred to as “resilience”, a mechanism for positive emotional growth. If the needs of teens are frustrated, even by their own actions, they display a host of negative behaviors (problems). At Abundant Life Academy problems are viewed as “opportunities”, opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth. Adversity caused by the teen’s acting out behavior (pain-based behavior) presents learning opportunities. The successful resolution of life’s problems/challenges provides the teen a positive experience leading to the development of positive strengths and resilience.
The truth is that if a teen is not able, or allowed, to positively resolve his/her own issues, the pain-based behavior and cycles of self-defeating behavior are perpetuated. Parents, all to often, do not allow or enable the teen to resolve his/her own troubles caused by their negative choices. Parents either rescue, or harshly punish (act out their frustrations and anger) their struggling teen. This approach causes more of the troublesome behaviors, and less of the possibility for resolve. Untrained staff are capable of the same outcomes, taking the teen’s pain-based behavior as a “personal attack”. Troubled teens are good at pushing buttons, shifting blame, causing ongoing trouble that infuriates parents and staff. And, the most important issue is not the attacking out behavior, but the insight into the pain-based reasons behind the behavior. Some need, perceived or real, is causing the teen to see him/herself as the victim.
The coercive reactions from parents and untrained staff can unintentionally cause all the stressors that lead to pain-based behavior to materialize. Coercive treatment can produce unintended reactions. Coercive responses are to restrain, isolate, forced subordination through real threats of punishment, and provoked angry conflicts that cause increased restraints. The outcome is increased agitation, increased aggression, increased conflict, and outrageous behaviors of defiance. Conflicts between authority figures (parents, staff, student leaders).
Related articles
- Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens – The Rescuing Parent (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Troubled Teen Boarding Schools Myth of Location (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens Myth “this will hurt the siblings” (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Troubled Teens in Leadership Training | Equipping Future California Leaders (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Troubled Teens and Emotional Intelligence – Part 1 (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Troubled Teens and Emotional Intelligence Pt 3 | California Cultural Influence (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Greg Hitchcock Joins Abundant Life Academy & Zion Educational Systems Forges a Prosperous Future as Leaders of the Behavioral Health Industry (prweb.com)
- Outcomes Research Study Reveals Vast Majority of Parents Would Recommend Wilderness Therapy Programs to Other Parents of Troubled Teens (prweb.com)
- Is it harder for teens or adults to come out? (pinkbananaworld.com)
- New Leaf Academy Therapeutic Boarding School for Girls Completes Specialized Training to Help Adopted Pre-Teens and Their Families (prweb.com)
Abundant Life Academy Staff and Student Handbook
- Image via Wikipedia
ALA Staff/Student Handbook
Abundant Life Academy Statement of Purpose
At Abundant Life Academy our purpose is to strive to fulfill God’s will in our life in every way; to purely serve the needs of others with regards to body, mind and soul; to bring to pass the restoration of the family for the Glory of God; to be a legacy of truth, honor, and integrity.
Abundant Life Academy Life Coaching
To be an Abundant Life Academy “Life Coach” is to be a living example of Christ, genuinely humble, and a walking-breathing illustration of a true servant leader. A Life Coach is a committed guide for young future leaders, called to lead “green” leaders as they attempt to navigate out of childhood and into their destiny. Knowing that our student/leaders will stumble, fall, and disappoint themselves and others, a Life Coach’s responsibility to encourage, teach, and instruct the struggling leader toward a “better” more fruitful way. Our job is to stand in the gap, using Godly wisdom, earned knowledge, and real life experience to help the young leader preserver powerfully through the inevitable adversity.
If the ALA student/leaders are to going to grow throughout their journey from adolescences to the fullness of adulthood, they need many strong mentors (life coaches) to assist them along the way. Our part is to be the model of humility, introduce them to the incredible power received through the practice of compassion and empathy toward others; securing their faith in becoming sensitive, caring, and trustworthy leaders ready to serve. Our oath is to strive everyday to help the ALA student leader to identify his strengths, gifts, blind spots, weaknesses, and the absolute need to serve others. Our charge is to inspire the student/leaders to reach his full potential through our assistance, and then turn and do the same for his peers.
First, as a Life Coach we commit to become all that we can emotionally and spiritually; continuously growing and expanding our unique gifting to be a significant impact in the lives of others. The ALA Life Coach knows that he will never arrive, never be content, as he develops an quenchable thirst to learn more; gaining new knowledge, acquiring better tools, becoming empowered with new wisdom, the ALA Life Coach is committed to “becoming” a leader. Meaning, there is always room for more… more knowledge, more understanding, more awareness, more perspectives, and more influence. Our job is to train and equip future leaders of significance. The ALA Life Coach is a true warrior; facing adversity with a smile, happy for the fight, psyched to overcome all obstacles, aggressively attacking challenges, ready to conquer and lead others to the sweet taste of victory.
Life Coaches fully invest themselves, from a heart level, pouring out, pouring in, and feels personally responsible for the success of his students. Life Coaching is where a strong man extends himself into the life of another, inspiring, encouraging, and taking on the burdens of others as if they were his own. The ALA Life Coach understands that as he is working with a young man in the present moment, he is really sowing the seeds that will grow later in his future, benefiting the most important people the young man will encounter down the road – his wife, children, and community.
The ALA Life Coach spends quality time with each student, every day, investing himself, committed to the growth of all students. The ALA Life Coach pays attention to all the little things, making sure that each student is well cared for; clothing washed, bedding laundered, hygiene performed, teeth brushed, school work done, eating well, medication taken, exercise performed, etc. The ALA Life Coach puts himself into the shoes of the parents, spending quality effort to record in-depth SRS Daily Observations Notes so that the parents will have an intimate view of their child, as if they were actually here to see it themselves. The ALA Life Coach spends ample time reading, studying, and memorizing each student’s Student Service Plan. Then, commits himself to being a “change-agent” as he coaches the student to achieve the goals and objectives laid out in the SSP.
Abundant Life Academy Student Leader
ALA Leadership Pledge: integrity – accountability – duty
As it pertains to integrity, accountability, and duty, the ALA leader commits to treat every student in his community the same, especially when it pertains to respect, honor, and personal responsibility. The ALA student leader has made a heart commitment to expect greatness from himself, his peers, and his community. The ALA student leader ALWAYS SERVES his/her peers and community.
ALA Student Leader Motto
“In every circumstance I strive to hold myself, my peers, and my community to the established standard that leads all to excellence…”
ALA Leadership Program – Positive Peer Culture
The foundation of the ALA leadership program is foundational to the student ALA government system, better known as “Positive Peer Culture” (PPC). The PPC is based on the theory that a culture of shared values and established norms will significantly influence the status of a community. Therefore, the premise of the PPC theory is that a “positive” culture can be created through the development of pro-social values and shared norms, which can greatly influence the emotional and spiritual development of those in the culture. At ALA we purposely attempt to engineer the development of a “positive peer culture” through the establishment of pro-social values practiced in the community; pro-social values are “trust”, “care”, and “serve”.
A PPC is a student-led government system that promotes pro-social behavior and challenges all negative anti-social behaviors in the community. Students are responsible for the community in every way. Students are responsible for rewarding pro-social behavior as well as challenging all anti-social behaviors. The reward for pro-social behavior (trust, care, and service to others) should be swift and powerful. The challenge of the anti-social behavior and the allocation of consequences for failing to accept the challenge (cease the behavior – taking responsibility for the behavior) should be swift and powerful. All consequences for failing to accept challenges should be creative, instill responsibility, focused on individual’s specific issues, pro-social, and based on learning/applying/teaching of the ALA leadership curriculum. No punishment should ever be associated with the consequences or student disciplinary issues.
Student Leadership Team: The ALA program requires all students to attain membership of the leadership team in order to successfully graduate/complete the ALA program. Students need to complete at least 1/2 of their program time as members of the ALA Leadership Team. The process/criteria of gaining leadership membership status is very specific. Students are invited by the current student leadership team to be “leaders in training”. Program Director must approve all leadership invites.
The specific criteria to be invited to become the next LIT must include; student invitee must earning six out of eight weeks of individual privileges (weekly student score above the qualifying score the last 6 out of 8 weeks, meeting academic requirements), signature approval by Family Representative (student must be actively involved in Family Restoration), has proven he is able and willing to challenge all negative behavior and supports staff at all times, has proven that he has taken total responsibility for being enrolled in ALA, and has shown the desire to serve others.
The Student Leader is responsible for the overall well being of the program, including but not limited to; following the program schedule, ensuring that AFM’s and Community Meetings take place, facilitate AFM’s, EFM’s, and CM’s, challenge all negative behavior, reward positive pro-social behavior, assign creative New Opportunity assignments, management of New O assignments, and facilitate peer court. In addition student leaders are responsible to facilitate the transition of new students (mentor), keep the campus and boys academy clean at all times, manage/monitor all student personal needs (daily hygiene completed, weekly laundry of bedding completed, weekly laundry completed, statement of facts submitted, grievance forms submitted, one-on-one’s completed daily).
ALA Student Leaders are always humble, and committed to serving their community by caring for the individual members of the community in significant ways. Caring means to lift the needs of others above one’s self interests and needs. The ALA student leader is a mentor, life coach, and counselor to the students in the community. The student leader leads by example, coaches through genuine concern, and serves with a willing heart. The student leader is a seeker of truth and life long learner, always hungry for more.
Student Mentors: At Abundant Life Academy the 3rd trimester for each of our programs is designed with a specific purpose in mind; trimester 3 is all about “serving others and giving back”. First, the ALA Student Leaders (Trimester 3 students only) are trained up and sent out to be the mentors for the new ALA students. These Trimester 3 leaders are the first people the new student meets. Our goal is to have new student’s introduction to ALA be pro-social, pro-active, and leave a long lasting positive impact.
Moreover, the 3rd trimester students are called to serve Trimester I & 2 students; students who are struggling, emotionally immature, and who are still hanging on to fantasy-based thinking (emotionally immature, self-focused, and self-centered). Basically, the student leader mentor is an advocate who advocates for the struggling peer; advocating by being positive, supporting, and caring enough to invest time, energy, and “heart” into the struggling student. Trimester 3 mentors are called to advocate by standing in the gap, ensuring that the student’s needs are being met (physical, mental, emotion, and spiritual).
The Trimester 3 student leader is serving his community by investing himself into the lives of the other students, personifying the concept of being “other’s-centered”. Becoming the standard for other students to reach for, modeling strength, being the living testimony and the example of one who is able and worthy to stand proudly in leadership. The ALA 3rd trimester student leader is uniquely qualified to bring forth significance in the life of the struggling student. Struggling students are self-centered, blamers, victims, and stuck in a rut. The Trimester 3 student mentor is empathic, understanding, patient, and preservers along side his peers.
AFM: Daily student leadership group meeting where one student is able to present their current or ongoing pressing issues, problems, or personal struggles to the leaders for the purpose of receiving feedback. Additionally, the group may offer solutions. The purpose is to create a system to where students come forward, ask for help (help-seat, not the hot-seat), and then commit to accepting the feedback/solution. Once the student leaders present a pro-social solution, the student leaders must record the solution (flash drive with content posted on the SRS by staff) and assure that solution is followed through with. The most important elements of this meeting is to achieve a spirit of unity prior to awarding the AFM to any particular student.
Community Meeting: Daily student leadership meeting where the boys community gets together and concludes the day by relating the day’s inventory of events, actions, behaviors, problems, and positive recognitions. Each student has a chance to own up for any negative behavior, present community issues, discuss upcoming community events, and recognize peers for their positive contributions. The most important element of this leadership meeting is the “accountability” of the students to take care of their own business.
Challenge System: At Abundant Life Academy students are expected to challenge all negative behavior, including their own and that of other students. The challenge system begins with an informal command (non-verbal or verbal). All students’ being challenged are to accept all challenges (stop the behavior, do not argue, or defend). If a student being challenged fails to accept the challenge the “challenge” will increase to a more formal challenge, with a call for urgency and staff/student assistance. If the challenge is not accepted and the challenged behavior continues there will be an emergency AFM called to handle the matter appropriately. Any EAFM called for a student will always result in that student being placed on New Opportunity Status.
One-on-one’s: Any student who is struggling to relate or communicate with another student, or staff, he is able to ask for a one-on-one for the purpose of finding a safe resolution. During one-on-one’s both parties agree to be respectful, refrain from using derogatory or offensive language, and/or refrain from making assumptions or accusations. The student or staff receiving the one-on-one will not respond unless asked to do so. This is the first step toward resolving a conflict, issue, or problem. The most important element is for the student asking for the one-on-one feels safe, and able to opening communicate his heart (be heard).
Statement of Facts: Any student who wishes to be heard by the Program Director can submit a Statement of Facts detailing/describing ANY concern, proposal, problem, and/or solution. However, they must first present this verbally to the Lead Life Coach. Once the verbal presentation has been done, the student can submit their S of F to the Lead Life Coach. The Lead Life Coach will ensure that the S of F will get it to the Program Director. The Program Director pledges to address the S of F within 72 hours of receiving it, and honor any legitimate request with a in depth response.
Grievance: Any student who is not satisfied with the answer or response to an S of F can re-submit it to the CEO, Principal, or his designee. A Grievance will be addressed within 48 hours of receipt.
Immediate Staff Appeal: In the event that any student feels unsafe for any reason they can request for an “immediate staff appeal” to discuss the matter at hand. Student safety is the most important job the staff of ALA have. All ISA’s will be taken seriously. In the event that the ISA is determined to be a non-emergency, and no threat of student safety is found, the student asking for the ISA may receive a disciplinary action.
Peer Court Status: In the event that there is evidence or valid suspicion that a student or students have violated the ALA honor code of conduct (major offenses) Peer Court is called by staff. Peer Court is a “student safety” status where staff and 3 chosen student leaders are able to conduct interviews, gather facts, conclude findings, write reports, and present disciplinary solutions. During Peer Court Status all students will remain in their rooms, and are not allowed to talk. All elements of the program are temporarily halted/suspended until the conclusion of the Peer Court. Only meals, hygiene, and exercise (18/20’s) will continue during Peer Court. At the conclusion of the Peer Court a designated student leader will read the written reports of the findings to the community. Predetermined disciplinary actions (following the disciplinary measure found in the ALA Student Manual) will be presented, and the violators will be given the opportunity to call their parents to own up to what they have done.
New Opportunity Status: New Opportunity Status is a signification of a student status for students struggling to break through unconscious behavior, bad habits, negative paradigms, fear, abandonment, ego/pride; and is the main tool used by staff and students to assist in the breaking of the cycle of emotional (justification, victimhood, blame, false beliefs, irrational beliefs, fantasy-based thinking) self-centered behaviors and becoming other’s-centered. New Opportunity is a tool used by student leaders to give a struggling student a new opportunity for self-discovery. Why is the student acting out, why is he hurt, and by whom? What are his resentments, his failures, and what part of him is affected? Emotionally immature students don’t know why they react inappropriately. Usually, emotionally immature teens are acting out with the intentions of getting a need met, albeit in ineffectively. New Opportunity is the chance for this student to discover unhealthy paradigms, old habits, irrational beliefs, unconscious lies, and other sources that contribute to the acting out behavior. New Opportunity is a chance for the struggling student to do some inner reflection, self-discovery, and receive assistance through Life Coaching from staff and students.
The premise is to “not punish” but to come up with proactive and pro-social interventions that will lead the struggling student to be empowered. Able, ready, equipped, and trained to deal with adversity, disappointment, frustrations, injustices, and unfairness is a way that meets his needs and the needs of others. It is not just a time of self-discovery, but also a time for interactive life coaching with student leaders and staff. New O is not a time of isolation, but a time of community-based support and proactive solutions. New O is a time of unity, giving the student leader an opportunity to serve, and the struggling student the positive attention that leads to growth (care, trust, and serve).
New Student Status: Every new ALA student is placed on New Student Status for the purpose of transitioning into the academy in a safe, smooth, and secure manner. Many times, upon arrival a new student wants to gravitate to the “wrong crowd”, such as other new students, forming a negative coalition with negative allies creating negative subcultures. We prevent negative sub-culturing from occurring by assigning the new student with student leaders and positive peers from the moment he arrives. Every new student is observed and supported by staff and students to ensure his health, safety, and welfare. As the new students finds equilibrium and settle into the academy program he is able to be voted off of NSS by his peers, and able to enter the community as a positive contributor. The most important element of the NSS is the facet of “introduction” to the academy as a potential positive influence. We only have one shot, so we need to make the best of the opportunity.
ALA Student Leader Values
No Favoritism: The ALA student leader has pledged to never practice peer favoritism. To do so would undermine all opportunity for growth and unity. The ALA student leader knows that to give special favor to one’s friend is to cheat them, as well as to unintentionally take away their good standing in the community. Moreover, to show favoritism to one individual, or to a group, is to dishonor and betray oneself and those who foolishly take the favor.
Expecting Greatness: By treating all his peers with the same respect and honor, looking past the temporary flaws and weaknesses, the ALA student leader is committed to expecting greatness from all those he serves. The ALA student leader has come to a place of greater understanding and maturity. More specifically, he knows that to expect less than greatness is to fail everyone. To do so, the ALA student leader becomes what he dislikes the most, a hypocrite. The ALA student leader knows that to overlook the offenses of a friend, while holding others to the expected standard, compromises integrity and future growth. Therefore, the ALA leader is committed to treat everyone in his community with the same honor & respect, and expect them to reach the highest standard.
Emotional Intelligence: The understanding of one’s self; knowing our own strengths, talents, skill sets, temperament, personality traits, weaknesses, blind spots, propensity for self-centeredness (defense mechanisms, thinking errors, foundation lies, and intellectual schemes, fantasy-based thinking and victim stance). EQ is a developable skill to truly know oneself deeply, the humility to accept oneself, and the drive to improve oneself. More importantly, EQ is the wisdom to know that the richness of life comes from serving others, giving away all that we have.
Trust: At Abundant Life Academy trust is a commodity, a tangible value, and a currency that is accepted and used to barter, buy, and increase wealth. Trust is given, earned, and lost… sometimes all at once. As it pertains to absolute value “trust” is on par with “respect”. Without trust, or at least without a deep trust, students at ALA cannot fully reach their potential, cannot grow, and cannot create opportunities for advancement. Trust is born out of our actions (what we do, not what we say we are going to do). Additionally, how closely our actions align with our words will depend upon whether we are trusted by staff and/or peers.
Respect: The ALA Student Leader knows that respect is as important as air, food, and shelter. Meaning, an ALA leader understands that he cannot grow or prosper in the absence of respect. Respect is a vital that is elusive, intangible, hard to gain, and easy to lose. However, there is one way a leader can always gain respect; a leader who receives respect is the leader who, above all, can be counted on by staff and peers to always “do the right thing” in all circumstances.
Care: Caring for others is the most honorable position of all positions. Caring requires that you have something to give. The ability to care for others requires an investment of time, energy, and resources into others, while sacrificing one’s own needs. Caring for others is to lift the needs of others above one’s own needs.
Serve: The act of service toward others is the key that unlocks our potential, leading the way to experiencing the fullness of joy, richness of life, and the great feeling that comes with the sense of accomplishment. At Abundant Life Academy we teach our student leaders that it’s an honor to serve others; when we place the needs of others above our own we become true leaders. Those who are able to genuinely serve others are those who are strong, powerful, and mighty; weak people cannot serve others, nor would they even consider doing so. Today’s society teaches young men to think only of themselves, to look out for number one, and to look upon service towards others as gay, stupid, and retarded. Most teens would not consider using their free time serving others. Most teens want to be served, entertained, and catered to. The “bored” students are those who are self-focused, intent on fulfilling their desire for fun, recreation, and pleasure. Leaders are those with “vision and destiny”, those who are poised for greatness and power; people of vision are always on the lookout for ways to give of themselves in the act of service. Trimester 3 students MUST be extremely obvious, different, set apart, and head and shoulders above all other students because of their commitment and contentment in serving others.
Humility: Humility is the breastplate of amour for the true leader, the very thing that sets them apart from all others, and the part that defines them as great men of influence. A humble man is a man of incredible power, poise, and is easily followed by other great and powerful men. The humble leader is known for his insight, compassion, empathy, sensitivity, care and concern for others. At ALA, the trimester 3 student is the man of humility, or he isn’t a trimester 3 student and will return to a lower rank in status. The humble ALA student leader has received the highest form of trust, trust that holds the greatest value, and leverages that value into a status where those he leads will share in the spoils of the conquest. The raw inner strength of the humble man is all wrapped up into one position of leadership, one power, one single pillar which holds up all other strengths, talents, and gifting’s. Humility is the cornerstone of a man of valor, honor, and greatness. Humility is the one thing that separates great men from those who wish to be great.
Belonging: ALA student leaders are to create a sense of “belonging” in the PPC. All students in the community are to be led to “belong”, joined to a special group/community purpose, the vision of the reason of greatness. Meaning, ALA student leaders are to cast a vision for the community, work hard to make the vision a reality, creating a sense of belonging to a purpose of greatness, to strive for the impossible, to see the possibilities, and to expect excellence. This can only happen in a community where there is a sense of belonging.
To belong is to be led or invited to invest fully; to be connected is be one with the whole – one purpose, one mind, and moving in one accord – fully accepted and appreciated as one of the members of the community. Single-minded purpose of seeing the “whole” body receives the full measure of every success, blessing, and reward. To see your self invest, commit, and endure is to see all others connected win. When all win, profit, or benefit, there is a deep sense of belonging. To belong is to be apart of something grand, special, something that will last forever. The sense of “belonging” is the catalyst for all ordinary things to become extraordinary. The ALA student/leader is responsible to ensure that every member of the community feels wanted, important, and appreciated, having something unique, something that only they can contribute. With the loss of an individual member’s contribution, even from the least of the least, the community can never realize its highest purpose or greatest fulfillment. The trimester 3-student leader is responsible to create a culture that is inclusive, where everyone is invited, needed, and appreciated. Everyone in the community is lead to believe that their individual contribution is vital.
Without the culture of “belonging”, there is division, strife, contention, and destruction – falling short of the collective potential, with the outcome of loss and regret. For all those in a community to feel a sense of belonging, all members need to be honored; those less honorable are to be seen in a higher status than those who are more honorable. The sense of belonging exists in every great dynasty. Whether it be a team sport like football (Pittsburg Steelers, New England Patriots), or baseball (New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox’s), or basketball (Chicago Bulls, LA Lakers), dynasties all have one common similarity, and that is an overwhelming sense of belonging, belonging to something very special, a vision of greatness! The job of every ALA student leader is to work hard and invest into creating a culture of belonging, with each member believing that they are important and have something incredible to offer
Interdependence: Interdependence is a humble understanding that together we can accomplish a great deal more, and apart we can’t do much at all. We are dependent on each other, and on our selves. We are not “dependent” solely, meaning that we are not victims, slaves, or prisoners. We are members of a community and we need to believe in ourselves, give all our individual effort, and understand that others must do the same for there to be success. Therefore, in the absence of inner-competition (members competing against one another) and in the presence of “team dependence” we come to a place where everyone is valued, appreciated, encouraged, and needed. The trimester 3 students knows that it will take the entire community, working together, toward a shared goal, depending and trusting on each other, with every member submitted to the leaders, to see success. The trimester 3 student see’s himself as the one who casts the vision, and then works behind the scenes linking all the talents, gifts, and strengths together, keeping everyone focused on the goal, and to make sure that every person’s unique gift is appreciated and used properly.
Generosity: Generosity is the act of giving what we have (physical, emotional, spiritually, intellectual) to others without hesitation. To be generous is to be “other’s-centered”. To be truly “other’s-centered” is to be more concerned about meeting the needs and desires of others (such as the staff, the school, our parents, and other students). When we are more concerned about others (individual’s or groups we belong to) we are truly in a place of prosperity, profit, potential, and being highly favored (trusted, respected, needed, wanted, and loved). To give all that we have is to be generous, and when we have given everything we have without the expectation of receiving we are in a place where our opportunities of greatness overflow into our lives and the lives of everyone in our circle of concern (other students, staff, parents, etc.). To give all that we have is to have more, more opportunity, more potential, more trust, more respect, and more of everything that is good in life. A true leader is a generous man.
Mastery: Mastery is the true measurement of a good man, and the very thing that separates men from mere children (children remain self-focused & self-centered, where as a man is more concerned about giving all that they have toward a worthy cause). To master something such as “generosity”, is to elevate one’s self to a level of prosperity that only a few really get to experience in this life. Mastery comes from a commitment that a man makes in his heart. Mastery is a contract that a true man makes with himself and God, a commitment that resides in your heart, a commitment to be someone of greatness, wanting to leave every situation in life better than it was before they arrived (creating a legacy of greatness that continues to grow and expand long after we have left). When others float through life, investing little, not concerned about anyone but themselves and their own needs, they are never able to truly master the elements creates “greatness”, wealth, and power. To master the Abundant Life Academy program is an act of total investment, a determination to be the very best you can be for the benefit of others, and to get everything that is possible from a situation.
ALA Student Leadership Philosophy
Student Leaders, serving the needs of others; authentic leaders who genuinely care, having committed themselves to serve others significantly, trusted as men of valor.
The student leadership of Abundant Life Academy is based on the “servant leadership” model. The ALA student leader knows himself, has chosen himself for greatness, and is now concentrating on giving himself by leading others unselfishly. This servant leader lifts all others above themselves, serving the needs of his brothers, taking accountability for everything that happens in his community. The ALA student leader is humble, and focused on the best interest of the community. This leader is responsible to train, equip, and prepare the next group of students to lead in his place. The ALA leader has a legacy to leave.
The ALA Student Leader is a “Life Coach in training”. His only concern is his the well being of his family, his ALA community, and the ALA faculty. The student leader consciously gives away all that he has learned, and strives to “do the right thing’’ in all circumstances. This leader is knowledgeable of all the students in the boy’s academy. He knows their strengths, weaknesses, dreams, and fears. The ALA student leader is charged with the job of making everyone around him better. This leader sets the standard, and always pointing his peers toward achieving greatness.
The ALA student leader is joined with the ALA staff with the goal to see that every student at ALA is heard, cared for, and served in a way that will bring growth and honor to all. The ALA student leader takes great care and concern for his peers, sacrificing his own needs in the service of others. The ALA student leader is a gentleman, is respected by both his peers and staff, and looks for opportunities to lead others to their ultimate best.
ALA Leadership Program – revealing the mysteries of truth
To teach the truth of the love of God, poured out through the heart of Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, to all those who believe.
The Abundant Life Academy leadership program was created to open the eyes and ears of those who are blind and deaf. Our leadership program is based on the truth found in the Holy Bible. Moreover, the ALA leadership program is presented without the traditional vernaculars of “churchianity”, using terms and notions that can be received by even the staunchest rebel. Our students are those unique few who have rebelled against the religion and traditions of their fathers, having not found life in their experience with tradition. The typical ALA students are those who have been called to KNOW the authentic love of Jesus (real deal); and having not found it in traditional Christianity they have turned away to follow their own selfish desires. Our students have rejected the historical depiction of the Son of God and stand in opposition to those who have found salvation through their knowledge and their doctrines. Unfortunately, they have “thrown the baby out with the bath water!” Consequentially, the rebel youth who end up at ALA have been led astray by the world and are deceived. Worse yet, they have no idea that they’ve been deceived, and they do not trust those who can set them free.
The focus of the ALA leadership is to provide the students with a new opportunity, to reclaim what has been lost, and to restore what has been taken. The ALA leaderships program is developed to help the young person to think with a renewed mind, to see with new eyes, to act with new hearts, and to live with new commitment. Our job is to develop leaders and then compel them to be committed to finding new perceptions, new awareness, new language, and new practices. Being set free from deception, becoming emotionally and spiritual mature, knowing the truth from the lie; becoming an over-comer, a life long learner, and a seeker of truth.
The ALA leadership program is designed to lead the student to a deeper understanding of himself and others, leading to tremendous sense of hope, leading to the restoration of destiny. Through the ALA leadership program young men learn to relate to others, pro-socially meet their own needs and the needs of others, communicate their authentic feelings (dreams, hopes, fears, and doubts). The ALA leadership program leads the male student to understand the importance of empathy, compassion, and genuine concern for others without losing their true sense of manhood; the need to fight a battle, rescue a beauty, and live a life of adventure.
Through the ALA leadership program our students are introduced to the underpinnings of human behaviors (unhealthy paradigms, unconscious sabotaging behavior, emotional bondage, lies that we believe, pride/self hatred, and fear.) More importantly our students become aware of the best elements of human behavior (humility, trust, respect, honor, submission to authority, care for others, service toward others, advocacy for those who can’t advocate for themselves, and self-sacrifice). To know human behavior is to know personality styles, temperament traits, gifting’s, talents, skills, and the unconscious propensity toward self-deception and self-betrayal. To know human behavior is to know one self through the eyes of our heavenly Father, through a relationship with Jesus, and through the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
The Two Natures
At ALA there are two types of students; the free man, the one who has seen the truth and now operates in knowledge, understanding, wisdom, and accountability. These young men have a heart at peace and cause responsiveness that leads to opportunity and richness. The other student is the blind man who is in self-imposed bondage. These are the young victims who don’t like the outcome of their choices and are blinded to the fact that they are responsible for what has happened. They truly don’t know how they have come to the place where they are, and are duped into believing that others are responsible, therefore the are living and acting as victims.
Power in Knowledge and Understanding
The ALA leadership program is meant to teach the student to identify his strengths, weaknesses, blind spots, gifting’s, and talents, and the same in others. The ALA leadership program reveals the “mysteries” that lead us to success, empowerment, freedom, and true liberty. The ALA leadership program is designed for the student leader to learn, and “experience” the principles of effective leadership. It starts with humility, and ends with sacrificial service toward others.
The 7 gifts of a Strong Leader – awareness, knowledge, wisdom, understanding, long suffering, kindness, and counsel.
The central theme of the ALA leadership program is “Emotional Intelligence” (EQ); Know Yourself, Choose Your Self, Give Yourself. Students come to ALA and they really have no idea how they got here. They only know that they are victims, betrayed by those (friends and bad peers) who they thought loved them. When the new ALA student arrives he has no clue what were the underlying beliefs that drove his decisions. He truly doesn’t know that his choices are what brought him here. He thinks that some one has done something very wrong to him; therefore his blame game is at full throttle overdrive.
Our first job is to help the student realize that something went wrong and their plans didn’t work out the way they had planned; to see the striking evidence proving that they have been duped and blinded – by themselves, and themselves alone. The ALA student quickly comes to know that they unintentionally landed themselves in a place they did expect to be.
The ALA leadership program is designed to bring to the student’s awareness that they desperately need to know what drove them to act in a self-defeating fashion. More importantly, the leadership program is designed to create a sense of hope to not only know how they got here, but how to get out and never find themselves in a place called “less than zero” ever again. Being “less than zero” is to plan to be somewhere that we find great, but never really finding that place, and worse yet, finding yourself in the complete opposite situation than what we were looking to find.
Our hope is that through the improvement of EQ the ALA student will come to know them selves (their tremendous worth, inherent strengths, unique gifts, and undeveloped talents… as well as their selfish motives, self-centered obsession, thinking errors, fears, irrational beliefs, bad habits, and self-defeating programming)
Emotional Immaturity: Emotional immaturity is a poison, a cancer, and a destructive vice that has the potential to destroy all good intentions, undermine favor, and take away all blessing. Emotional immaturity is a status that represents a selfishness and self-centeredness that propagates loss and regret. Meaning, when we act out in emotional immaturity the only possible outcome is loss and regret. At the moment we act emotionally immature we may feel justified, and empowered, forcing others to meet our selfish needs. But in the end we have less than what we had before we started. Those operating in emotional immaturity are blind, powerless, and oppressed. Unfortunately, those who act in emotional immaturity have no idea that they are the cause of their own demise. It is a bad place to be for anyone looking to get their needs met; it will never happen. Emotional immaturity is a place of oppression, depression, and a place where no personal power or potential exists. Emotional immaturity is a place of defeat, violence against oneself, and a place of darkness that destroys personal power.
Accountability: Accountability is one of the most powerful acts of valor. When people are accountable (to themselves and to others), there is safety, clarity, and a peace of mind. Where there is no accountability, or a shift away from accountability, one can only find hopelessness, oppression, loss, and regret. Accountability is a posture of one’s heart. Accountability is the willingness to take total responsibility; accountability is the place of empowerment, strength, and personal power. The more accountable a student leader becomes, the higher status he can enjoy. With accountability you will find supernatural trust, power, and potential. Accountability is very attractive, bringing forth all kinds of unearned opportunities. People always find others who are accountable to be powerful people, people who are bold, confident, and can deliver what they promise.
The power of Submission to Authority: Those who submit to authority are the authority. At the very least, to submit to authority is to gain authority. Submission to authority is a sign that one is strong, intelligent, and empowered to find success. Submission to authority is not easy, and could be the hardest thing anyone of us could ever face. It is a mystery to those who have no authority, and don’t know why. It is a mystery to those who are blind to the truth, a weakness to those who want to be trusted. The most important status we can achieve in life can only come through submission to authority. Being submitted to authority brings forth the greatest level of personal success one could ever enjoy. Submission to authority is the knowledge and wisdom associated with tremendous success, and only those who are strong can truly understand the power and mystery behind submission to authority.
Other’s-centered: To gain all that we can that is good is to be “other’s-centered”. To focus on the needs, desires, and dreams of others is to be other’s-centered. When we are committed at the heart level to serve others, meeting their needs, is to be in a position to gain more than our imagination can even think up. To be truly other’s-centered is to be full, empowered, and in a position of receiving more than we could even ask for. Where “other’s-centered” exists there is no room for depression, sadness, loss, or regret. When we become other’s-centered we find true freedom and liberty. Not only do we meet the needs and dreams of others, but to meet all our own needs and more.
Less than zero: To seek something we truly desire and not find it, no matter how much we invest and sacrifice, is to be “less than zero”. Whenever we commit to something and truly seek it, but instead we find the opposite of what we are looking for, getting more of what we don’t like, is to be in a place of “less than zero”. Less than zero is a status that we should try to avoid at all costs. Less than zero can only happen to us when we are self-focused, self-centered, and only concerned about ourselves.
Know that you don’t know, but know that it’s very important to know: A place of personal and community growth is to know that you don’t know, but also realize that we need to know, and if we don’t know, we will find ourself in a place called “less than zero”. As we grow, we find out how much we don’t know, and easily admit that we are clueless, but desperate to know. To not know, but know that we must know, is the place we find right before triumph and victory. Before we can grow, we must know that we don’t know, but must know. This is a very hard place to be, but we cant avoid it if we are truly wanting to grow, be empowered, and have a destiny (purpose) to fulfill. To know that you don’t know, but need to know, is to become emotionally intelligent, and primed to grow, prosper, and find victory.
My best thinking got me to here, and I’m in need of better best thinking: When we find ourselves in a place that we didn’t intend to be (and never want to be), we are in a place of “less than zero”; we have become slaves to our own whims, trapped, and oppressed. It is at this point we must realize that our very best got us to this place. Our best thinking, our best practice, our best understanding, and our best wisdom took us to a place that is opposite of what we are looking for, getting more of what we are trying to avoid, and getting less of what we really want. Therefore, with better understanding and wisdom we find that we need “better best thinking”. Meaning, we really don’t know what is going on, we are blind, and slaves to what we hate, and we need to have better best thinking. At this place we are vulnerable, but we are also poised to grow, prosper, and find true freedom and liberty – if we will only admit that we need better best thinking. This is the time to seek the help (coaching) of others, seek the help and assistance of those who seem to already have what we want, and are avoiding the places where we don’t want to be. This is true humility, true emotional intelligence, true victory, and true triumph. To know that our best is not good enough, and is not serving us, is to seek the better way, and to be accountable and responsible for all that we do. To know that our best is not good enough, and that we need help is a place of true EQ,; leading us to be trusted, empowered, liked, appreciated, and attractive, poised to receive more than what we ever considered for ourselves.
Heart at peace, or a heart at war: In all circumstances we are either going to have peace in our heart, or we are going to find that there is a full-blown war going on inside of us. We either can have a heart at peace, or a heart at war. A heart of peace is the place where we find safety, power, and victory. Operating with a heart at war is to destroy our selves (self-betrayal), to undermine all of our best gifting and talent. Moreover, when we have a heart at war we will gain nothing of value, and at the same time we will lose all that we want or will ever have. To operate with a heart of peace is to never have enough storage to store all the blessings we have ever sought, to have more opportunity than we could ever take advantage of, and to have more than we ever expected. It is our choices to either have a heart at war, or a heart at peace. Having a heart at peace is to be very attractive, respected, and valued.
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Abundant Life Academy Purpose
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Abundant Life Academy and our Purpose
Staff Guidelines – The foundation of Abundant Life Academy
The following elements of Abundant Life Academy represent the foundation of our program, thus every staff member must have 110% competency in the following elements of the Abundant Life Academy’s purpose, agenda, mission and vision.
1). Who is Abundant Life Academy: What makes ALA different/special, and what is our cause? More importantly, who are we not!
We are a very different boarding school, and we want to be defined as such. We are not only different and unique; we are above the fray, with no competitors, with no desire for anything other than to bring about the best in all we serve. At Abundant Life Academy we teach others to invest themselves into finding significance and greatness.
“Abundant Life Academy is not a ‘program for troubled teens’. ALA is not a behavioral modification program for teenagers that are rebellious, struggling, or at risk. Moreover, ALA is not a residential treatment center, program, or rehab center; Abundant Life Academy is a top Christian boarding school for potential leaders and our mission is to train them up to lead themselves and others into all levels of success, including “greatness”.
It is extremely important that all staff and employees of ALA address any reference made toward us that describes us as a “program”. If there is a comment, or reference made by anyone (staff member, parent, student, or visitor) referencing ALA as a “program”, we accept the duty and obligation to correct their faulty definition/reference. Abundant Life Academy is a Christian boarding school that focuses academics (grade recovery and GPA repair, college admissions, and re-entry to public/private school), leadership development, athletics, horsemanship, and community outreach.
Additionally, the foundation of ALA (our purpose and mission) is Leadership Development/Training (rising up future leaders in all areas of life ministry, business, trade, academics, and industry) and Family Restoration. Abundant Life Academy is an academic boarding school committed to “family restoration”; seeing that all students are effectively restored (relationally) to their families of origin.
2). Life Coaching, mentorship, guidance, instruction, teaching, leading, and following: The academy chose long ago to go with the concept that all staff will act as “Life Coaches”. What is a life coach? A Life coach is a person who is very wise, lives by proven principles, is sensitive, patient, caring, and eager to serve. A life coach is a person that uses their own life experience to lead others powerfully. A life coach is an overcomer; an overcomer is a person who is successful, having learned that failing is greatest part to any growth. Failing gracefully means that you failed, but did not give up, and the “failing” experience was the catalyst that brought forth emotional maturity, emotional growth, and spiritual significance. A life coach is a life-long learner, a person not afraid to fail, and when they fail they find a way to use the experience as a launching pad toward phenomenal future success. This success can be shared, taught, and given to others who have not understood the power behind failing.
A great life coach uses all that he/she knows (through sweat, blood, and tears) to help others to be all that they can be, reaching their highest potential. A life coach knows the power behind “earned-wisdom”, and uses this wisdom to lead others into greatness. A life coach may show the way for others to benefit, committed to guiding others into a new understanding, new awareness, new perspective, and new practices. A life coach teaches solid and proven principles, sharing their “wisdom” and “understanding” in such a way as to bring significance into the lives of those they lead. Again, “Life Coaches” are humble, sensitive, understanding, and always concerned for others; making life coaches the perfect “change agents” for those who are currently struggling to “see”, “hear”, or “act” appropriately. A life coach takes responsibility for his/her choices, good or bad. A life coach is someone who can lead others to greatness through patience, wisdom, understanding, and sincere concern for others. A great life coach is someone who genuinely loves to serve all people; and is first and foremost “others-centered.”
It is extremely important that each staff member of ALA knows that their first obligation to the school and our clients is Life Coaching. Life coaches are strong and caring people who have been made strong through their personal struggle with adversity; always ready to share their own past struggles as one way to navigate through the twists and turns of life. Life coaches have overcome great adversity and are now uniquely qualified to mentor, teach, instruct, and guide others into becoming strong leaders themselves. Life coaches model the ALA leadership principles, as they are living examples of what we teach. Life coaches never do the work for the ALA student, and they don’t rush in and rescue the struggling teen. They never give struggling students the answer to the most important questions. Instead they inspire their clients to seek, learn, and “do it themselves”. Life coaches coach, inspire, teach, but they don’t do the work for the student no matter how much the student maybe struggling. Life Coaches do not grade or evaluate their clients; they don’t use human standards of judgment to equate value and worth of the student; they never look at the performance of their client; instead they use the performance of the student to evaluate the effectiveness or worth of their choices. Life coaches are able to see past the present ignorance of those they lead, and see only the potential future of their client (student leaders). Life coaches bring out the best in those they serve.
3). The staff of Abundant Life Academy know our curriculum, systems, procedures, and priorities at 110% competency, and are able to teach anyone about the principles of ALA.
The first and most important part of what ALA staff need to “perfect” is the use of our leadership program. Staff need to be able to use our leadership material and steer the student toward success by encouraging the struggling student with options, personal insight, and constant encouragement. Life coaches need to be able to invest themselves fully into the lives of their clients. Life coaches need to know, in depth, every facet of the students they serve. It takes tremendous energy, hard work, and deep personal commitments to each student to be an effective coach.
DISC (Personality Insights): DISC gives us a chance to use the personality quadrants, the personality mixes, the different temperaments, as well as the propensities of behavior; knowing one’s natural gifting, blind spots, weaknesses, as well as strengths gives us a chance to move in the right direction, becoming overcomers. The DISC can lead the whole community to a place of better knowledge, inspiring others to become willing to live by trusted principles, daily practice of self-reflection, willingness to be self-accountable, and the power of taking responsibility for all decisions, both good and bad. The DISC gives us the ability to see a quick snap shot of our core principles and beliefs; DISCS can be used to determine and better understand what drives us to act, and how we can take control of areas of weakness. Then, and only then, can we improve and overcome the areas of our life that tend to hold us back. DISC gives us a starting point, a starting point where we can begin to grow and prosper. DISC is an effective tool for the life coach, the student, and even the parents to grow personally; especially when it comes to understanding one’s self and the reasons why we do the things we do. We can always choose to take a deep long look at ourselves to figure out how to overcome any obstacle.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ): EQ is the prospect of THINK, ACT, and then FEEL. Emotional Intelligence is the act of “Know yourself, choose yourself, and give yourself”, and is based on truth, understanding, and wisdom. Moreover, by using the principles found in EQ we can wait on any emotional-driven decision for just 6 seconds, thus delaying our actions for 6 seconds, and our life will change for the positive. Emotional intelligence is seeking truth, seeking wisdom to overcome, and to seek victory through understanding. “Emotional Maturity, bathed in wisdom, earned through adversity, can reshape our lives in such a way as to bring constant opportunity and prosperity. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to make all our decisions on principle and truth, instead of acting out of our emotions; living by our emotions is a never-ending cycle of loss and regret. Living off our emotions can and will destroy us, including destroying our potential, and crushing all of our relationships. Emotional Intelligence is the act of waiting, willing to evaluate all decisions we are about to make, and acting out in principle and wisdom, instead of acting out ever changing emotions. If we are led by our emotions it means that we will experience a roller coaster in life, wiping out any chance for sustained growth.
The Choice – Leadership and Self-deception: The choice is a battle within, the battle of the heart. The choice is knowing the difference between walking (led by) in the flesh (betraying yourself), and walking (led by) in the Spirit (creating responsiveness, and a heart at peace). The “Choice” determines our status and place in life. The Choice allows anyone to be led by principle and truth, thus avoiding the pitfalls and ugliness of an emotionally driven life. Emotionally driven people suffer needlessly, and they undermine all their own potential, and they don’t even know it. People who are led by their emotions are victims instead of victors.
Within our heart we are either going to be at peace, or at war. There is no in between. The “choice” is ours and ours alone. Being led selfishly by your flesh (I want what I want when I want it) is to be at war in your heart against yourself and those who love us. Allowing our emotions to lead us is like being in a box that has no wisdom, no understanding, and no hope. Being led by the Holy Spirit is to be out of the box, living in freedom and liberty, serving those God sends your way, and bringing glory to God in all that you do. Being out of the box means you have “emotional maturity”, it means that you practice EQ, and it means that you have the ability to create endless opportunity, power, and significance – all day long.
4). The ALA Leadership Program: The ALA Leadership program is the most significant part of all elements taught at ALA. The Leadership Program, as practiced in reality, will expose the best and the worst of each student. It is within the ALA Leadership Program that emotional immaturity, as well as emotional intelligence, is displayed; for all of its positive or negative and destructive outcomes, everyone will be able to see the best and the worst of each student. In this way, each student will be able to clearly see what is holding them back, areas he/she must grow in, and areas of his/her life that need immediate attention.
Students that complete the ALA Leadership Program will not be able to operate through emotional immaturity anymore. They will have wisdom so powerful they will begin to make proactive and prosocial decisions that benefit all. In addition, within the practice of leadership curriculum the ALA student leader will expose and demonstrate all his/her best gifting’s, strengths, and significance. Again, each student will be able to display his/her the strengths and gifting’s, but more importantly it is the place where students displays their blind spots, weaknesses, immaturity, and lies they believe. Everything that possibly holding the student back in his/her life will come out as each student is given responsibility for the status and health of his/her community. Within the structure of the Leadership Program students can safely demonstrate and practice the elements of the ALA leadership program (trust, care, and serve). It is essential for the staff of ALA to allow the students to run their own community, as leaders, and to take responsibility for their choices, both good and bad. But what if the students know more than the staff? What if the students know more about the policies and procedures of the ALA leadership program? It means that the staff that know and understand less will be ineffective, and will not earn the respect or trust of the students.
Notoriously, the ALA students have always had a better grasp of the important operations of the Abundant Life Academy leadership program. Why? Perhaps it is because the students of ALA actually live in the leadership program. Much of their day is comprised of, or framed by, the ALA leadership “program” (remember, we are going to get rid of the term “program”. But it is perfectly okay to state “leadership program”). Staff are not under pressure to look deep within themselves, discover the ugliness, learn, and then commit to needed changes. The students are under constant review and evaluation, therefore they are more motivated to grow and improve. The students in essence can be more powerful, more knowledgeable, and have more wisdom than the staff. That will be a sad day for any ALA staff.
Another term can be used to describe the significance of the ALA Leadership Program is “Positive Peer Culture”. The PPC is where the ALA Leadership program becomes a reality. The PPC is where the “practice” of the leadership principles become real. It is within the PPC where all principles of the Abundant Life Academy Leadership Program can be used, practiced, demonstrated, displayed, and become a reality. The staff of ALA need to know every element of the PPC so that they can ensure that the students are operating within the framework of the leadership principles. The PPC can be, when operating in perfect harmony, like having 10 extra professional staff on board. The PPC has a way of exposing the ugly elements of our personality (self-centeredness, self-absorbed, self-focused) and to shine forth our weaknesses strongly. The good news is that in the PPC the student is always on the “help seat”, and not the “hot seat”. The PPC is a safe place for the students to be able to self-reflect, receive feedback (even feedback that hurts) from their peers, take responsibility for their decisions, own up and confess, and to ask for help.
The PPC, or Positive Peer Culture is where “trust, care, and serve” happens. The whole purpose of the PPC is to allow the students of ALA to practice the elements of Abundant Life Academy Leadership curriculum. The PPC is precious, and needs to be protected at all times. The PPC needs to be lifted up, celebrated, preserved, fostered, and nurtured; the PPC is where we see the greatest emotional growth of the individual.
It is within the PPC where the ALA students become powerful leaders, but more importantly where they become awesome followers. You can’t be a great leader unless you first become a great follower. The staff of ALA need to know every component of the PPC, and to make sure that all the students are following (exercising the leadership elements) the ALA principles, utilizing it in every facet of their community. It is within the framework of the PPC where students are able to separate themselves from the ordinary (mediocre), and become extraordinary leaders.
The PPC is all about “trust, care, and serve”. It is also all about “Mastery”, “Generosity”, “Independence”, and “Belonging”. The greatest leaders of all time somehow came to know the importance of the “trust, care, serve, mastery, generosity, independence, and belonging.” With out these elements a PPC can’t have any positive impact on the student’s community, nor will it positively affect the individual student. There will be no growth without the powerful truth found within the pillars of PPC.
5). New Opportunity being creative, never focusing on punishment, is the perfect place for the ALA student to grow and learn, finding new ways to live successfully. New Opportunity, or better known as “New O” is the place where staff and student leaders can use creative measures to bring about deep growth for students who are struggling, emotionally driven, unstable, and constantly undermining their value and worth. The world unsuccessfully uses punishment to inspire people to grow. At Abundant Life Academy we never use punishment to inspire students to grow and mature. At ALA staff have the chance to see the students experience real growth, meaningful growth, growth that creates respect, intelligence, and empowerment. When we teach a student how to overcome actions and behaviors (bad habits) that undermine them, we have given the best gift one man can give to another.
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