Parents of Troubled Teens can learn from “I still haven’t found what I am looking for”.
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“But I still haven’t found what I am looking for…” a song from the U2 album, Joshua Tree. “Haven’t found what I am looking for” is the immortal mantra of the human condition, captured by Bono, many years ago on the Joshua Tree album… and that song is still speaking volumes today, if we are willing to listen. The truth is that none of us really find what we are looking for, because we aren’t supposed to! If we do find “it” there’s always more (a deeper and more fulfilling level of “it”), because we are never satisfied, always seeking more; learning more, discovering more, experiencing more… Or, we are dead! It’s the human plot, man’s theory, our purpose… It’s destiny, our curse, and our freedom, and our total existence – all wrapped up into one reason to breath! There is always “something more”, or we are dead inside, no longer living, no longer tasting life (no wisdom and no understanding).
With or with out you… Another U2 song on the Joshua Tree album tells another story of the same episode. We, as humans, live or we have excuses. We either live, or we give ourselves away (die slowly). Bono says, “I can’t live with or without you!” I can’t live…. this song is the flip side, the tail to the heads of the coin. It’s either we live (have purpose) or we die. Unfortunately, the one thing that determines whether we live or die is “control”. The flip side of the control coin is freedom. “Live free or die” has been spoken (written) so many times by so many authors through the history of mankind (starting in the caves as prehistoric man captured life on the walls of caves). Songs have been sung throughout the course of man’s existence depicting the same thing.., live or die, seek to find or give up in death, find the triumph and victory or at least die trying!
The human condition (or experience) we seek is the same in all of us… To borrow a quote from Ransom Ministries, “We have an adventure to live, a beauty to rescue, and a battle to fight.” Parents, stop trying to control your child before they become teens. Momentum (their life spirit was formed before the foundation of the world [Romans chapter 8]). If they are troubled teens it’s too late to stop or even slow down the momentum (hold on because you are just along for the ride).
Raising a troubled teen reminds me of the movie Armageddon with Bruce Willis (Bruce and a bunch of deep sea well drillers save the world by deflecting a large astroid/meteor hurling towards earth). In the movie, the asteroid that was going to destroy earth, its path was to intersect with earth was determined billions of years ago… As the monster was heading toward earth People were living their lives (eating, drinking, marrying) on earth totally clueless at the momentum of the asteroid heading smack dab at earth. To save the earth Bruce Willis’ character had to “deflect” the asteroid just enough… guide it away… subtlety influencing its path (a direct path hitting earth with a thud that would end all life) before it was too late. Parents, you are Bruce Willis! By the time your child is a teenager he or she is an asteroid hurling through space with tremendous velocity… When you have a “troubled teen” the only thing you can do is to gently and subtly alter their course (deflect), using their own momentum, and redirect some of that energy onto a better (safer) path. This subtle influence might be a nuclear bomb (like enrolling them into a boarding school for troubled teens) but it had better be a gentle redirect and not an attempt to “stop” or “control” your teen.
Parents of young adults! Here’s my fair warning. If you are still trying to “save”, “rescue”, or “protect” (in other words “control”) your young adult (18 to 24) then “shame on you!”. You have not learned a thing and your selfishness is unbecoming of someone who is supposed to love their child. If, by the time they are young adults, you don’t know that “control”, “coercion”, and “shame” (should be) is all about you and your comfort then you will never learn and all the pain and agony of watching your adult child crash and burn is on your head!
Momentum is a funny thing! It can’t be stopped, it can only be altered or deflected.
Related articles
- Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
