Category Archives: Abundant Life Academy

Negotiating with the devil: No situation in negotiation with a 15 year old troubled teen is more problematic or painful than when you realize that you are negotiating against or with pure evil. Not that your troubled teen is evil, but your perception has led you to believe that the “powers to be” are evil and in alignment with evil. Really? Is it really evil, or do we need an excuse to exert “control” at any cost? Is it evil or simply “not the way its supposed to be?” There are times when literally we are dealing with evil forces and it’s not just “perceived evil”. Most of the time the only evil part of our situation is our attempt to control, coerce, and bully (using guilt or shame) our teen into behaving in the way that comforts us (the way “it should be”). Many of parents of troubled teens I have worked with over the last 20 years have a perception of the way things “should be” and are willing to do anything to fulfill that “should be” scenario. They withhold love and affection and attempt to shame their child into compliance. They either use shame, or they use “restriction” an insurance policy to fulfill “should be”. But what about natural momentum?

What is the “should be” scenario? Well, let me give you one typical scenario. Your “perfect teen” is in the church (mission trips, youth group, liked and respected by the Pastor and Youth Pastor), good student, good athlete, yada yada. Then, get into a good Christian (or private college) and “court” the perfect Christian boy or girl… Finish Christian college, meet the perfect Christian guy or girl, and settled down with the perfect job, start having kids, participate in the ministry until they start having kids. But what about momentum? Does the child grow up with a special bent or strong vision that is somewhat different, and if so, is it okay?

The truth is that way too many parents see demons and devils around every corner. They look at their child’s individuality and tenacious adventurous spirit and say, “the devil is working overtime on my child!” Is there something wrong with the Father of the Prodigal Son (Luke 14)? He seemed to have the desire to see his sons grow up to be responsible successful adults. But he also seemed to understand the notion of “momentum”. Like a total fool, the Father of the Prodigal Son gave up fighting his “hell bent” son and he sold half of his estate and gave his wayward son his inheritance early! Like a complete idiot the Father of the Prodigal Son actually went with the wayward momentum of his troubled son! What an idiot! Or, perhaps he knew something that we don’t?

I am not saying that we should not resist evil. I am not saying that we should bow down and sit back and let the devil destroy our children and do nothing to protect them. I am saying, “what is God allowing and what are you missing?” Momentum is found throughout the Bible, especially in the 4 Gospels (as it relates to the life and ministry of Jesus). Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil in every way… Jesus was either going to “pass the test” or not. His momentum was already in full motion before he was 12… and it was going to work or not. He was prepared for the cross long before the temptations came, long before he was betrayed, arrested, beaten, and crucified! Jesus, according to the Bible went into hell for 3 days and conquered the devil before He was resurrected and returned from death. That’s momentum! It was not going to be stopped. God has given us all momentum.

Recently I was in negotiation with an evil man… no doubt he was pure evil. He’s a short (small-minded man) who has always seen himself as a victim. He enjoyed hurting me, and as I found out later I was just one of many he has taken his vengeance out upon. I found out later that during his youth he was treated like a literal retard (he always struggled in school and never developed social skills… therefore he was always picked on, ridiculed, and beat up [he's very small in stature and could not defend himself]. He did so poorly in school he didn’t learn to read or write above a 5the grade level. He was always told he was stupid.). This man worked very hard with his hands, developed a very good work ethic, and specialized labor skills. After decades of hard work and sacrifice he was very fortunate and became a financial success. Since then he has used his wealth and position of wealth to “get back” at anyone he believes represents those “types of people” who harassed him or beat him up when he was younger. Similar to Ted Bundy who’s victims were women who represented his abusive mother, this man saw me as one of those people who needed to be “taken care of”.

I had no idea of what this evil little man was capable of. I was not prepared and was definitely ill-equipped to handle the viciousness of his attacks. He came out of no where, with no warning. Talk about a sheep in wolves clothing…. I had never been directly involved with pure evil (not willingly at least). At one point I had to decide whether to fight this devil, negotiate with this devil, or question whether this guy really was evil (the devil in a man’s body). Unfortunately, I got eaten alive and found out the hard way that unless you are willing to be “more evil” than the devil there is no way you can win. I’d rather negotiate with Al Qaeda, Iran, and Hamas (together) than to negotiate with a man who calls himself a Christian but in truth is an agent of evil. Although I learned a great deal through the experience (I’m actually beginning to become grateful to some degree), I’ve learned that God is stripping me (still stripping) me of a lot of junk (replacing the junk with humility, empathy, and TRUE care for others). God, through this ordeal is stripping me of “judgement toward others” and he is teaching me a great deal about momentum. This evil little man has negative momentum that was built long ago and I just happened to be in the way at its peak velocity. It really wasn’t personal (as Ted Bundy would later say about his brunette victims… they were picked at random, nothing the victims did angered Ted, but based on the fact that they were brunettes he raped and killed them through brutal heartless evil). The point is that the momentum with Ted Bundy and this man that ran me over (crushing, stealing, lying, deceiving, cheating) was created long ago and God allowed it to happen.

I can’t say that I passed the test, I’m afraid it’s not over. But I can say that I am greatly humbled, thankful, and more appreciative of Jesus and what He did for me (and the entire world). I can say that I know grace at a whole new level. I can say that I can now pray for a man under the influence of evil and want to see him set free. Most importantly, I now can say that “momentum” is real to me… and becoming more defined and better understood. I am a better “parent coach” now (more empathetic). For parents of a 15 year old girl who has “fallen in love” with a 27 year old ex-con drug dealer I can honestly say, “I know what you are going through!” with authenticity. I can tell you that you had better understand momentum… You can’t stop it (whether its good or bad), you can only influence it. By the time the momentum interacts with you your faith will be tested (the reason for momentum). You will either cling to Jesus and stay out of the fray or attempt to fight evil and lose in vain (like peeing on a raging forest fire).

Peter told Jesus that he was going to die for him (Peter’s loyalty and dedication to Jesus was questioned before “the test”). Peter was incensed by Jesus’ assertion that he would betray His Lord three times before the rooster crowed. Both Jesus and Peter were “in motion” and their momentum interacted perfectly as God had planned from the beginning. Jesus understood momentum (knowing, in faith, that His Father had everything under control). Peter had no clue about momentum. Neither did Judas… Judas was chosen from the beginning to be the son of perdition. He obeyed God when he sold Jesus. He also obeyed Jesus when he was told, “go do now what has been planned from the beginning!”. But because Judas didn’t understand momentum he killed himself in complete shame and guilt, the total misunderstanding of momentum.

If two people are supposed to be together NO ONE and NOTHING can stop it! Think about that for a moment mom and dad… Ponder!

Dealing with evil is not something I’d wish on my worst enemy. I can now honestly say to the parents of 15 year old girls (honor students) who are dropping out of school to run away with 27 year old ex-convicts drug dealers, “I can understand what you are going through”. I can now understand when they say, “this guy came in and turned our entire life upside down and has cast an evil spell upon our daughter. Prior to my own experience dealing with evil I honestly did not know what evil was. More importantly, I didn’t know momentum!