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Residential Treatment Center for Troubled Girls that Struggle with Substance Abuse in California
Residential Treatment Centers that treat substance abuse in California for troubled girls are becoming the industry’s premier source for help. We recommend Integrity House RTC for troubled girls as the perfect option for troubled girls struggling with substance abuse. Call 866-439-0355 for immediate support for your troubled girl.
Friends are a big part of a teenager’s life and can influence what they do whether that is in a good way or in a bad way. One of the biggest problems that occur in the life of a teenager is the constant pressure from friends and peers to use drugs or alcohol. Substance abuse occurs commonly with teens and if not resolved, will carry on into adulthood.
Substance abuse in troubled girls is often begins with the teen’s friends or peers. They make adolescent feel that if they do not use these substances, they will not be accepted. Peer pressure is a very dangerous tool when it is used for the bad rather than the good. Often times, the pressure to be accepted and like is too much and the teen caves and falls into a life of substance abuse. Substance abuse is at an all time high in California; therefore residential treatment centers offer the needed assistance.
Drugs are one of the most common types of substance abuse. The type of drugs not only varies depending on the location or the group’s top choice, but it also varies by generation. Marijuana was the drug of choice 30 years ago, but today, drugs such as cocaine, ecstasy, and meth have taken over as the drugs of choice. Using these drugs is not only illegal, but also damaging to the mental and physical aspects.
Alcohol is another common form of substance abuse. Since alcohol is not as physically and mentally dangerous as drugs can be and is more easily accessible, this is often the top choice for groups of troubled girls. California Teens can easily get access to beer from their own refrigerators at home, so they will often take this to parties to feel the high of getting drunk and partying with their friends. Pressure to drink is also easier to cave to since teens do not view drinking as being as serious as doing drugs.
If your troubled girl is struggling with substance abuse and you are seeking help in California for residential treatment center, now is the time to seek assistance before its to late.
Related articles
- Submission to Authority – Abundant Life Preparatory Teaching (articles.troubledteensearch.com)
- Abundant Life Academy Teaches Freedom & Individual Liberties (behavioralhealthhub.com)
Residential Treatment Centers for Troubled Girls with Reactive Attachment Disorder in California
How can Residential Treatment Centers help Troubled Girls with RAD get help in California? Integrity House Residential Treatment Centers are the ideal leader in helping teenage girls that struggle with RAD (reactive attachment disorder). We recommend Integrity House Residential Treatment Center for Girls. For more information call 866-439-0355.
Troubled Girls in California that deal with this disorder feel abandoned, don’t establish healthy relationships with parents or caregivers. A girl with RAD may have been abused, neglected, or abandoned at a young age. RAD develops when girls needs aren’t met whether by nurturing, comfort, or by a caring attachment. This can be a serious issue and it must be met.
Although there are great programs in the State of California these programs can not hold troubled girls against their own will. Trouble Girls that struggle with RAD need to be secure and taught how to work with this disorder.
Reactive Attachment Disorder is a lifelong condition but with therapy and treatment, teens can be taught to have better and healthier relationships. Proper Therapies for this would be in a residential treatment center that provide psychological treatment and parent/care giver education.
RAD is a rare but serious condition that teens develop in their childhood. Troubled Girls tend to struggle more with abandonment more than boys therefore their treatment plans are integrated differently in an all girls residential treatment center. There is help and answers for Reactive Attachment Disorder and Residential treatment centers offer the kind of therapies needed.
For immediate help for your teenage daughter please call 866-439-3055 and speak with our Family Advocate. Integrity House RTC for girls is located in Cedar City, Utah.
Related articles
- Submission to Authority – Abundant Life Preparatory Teaching (articles.troubledteensearch.com)
- Abundant Life Academy Teaches Freedom & Individual Liberties (behavioralhealthhub.com)
Turning Your Life Around with Adversity
Turning your life around is all about learning to take on adversity as the catalyst for growth. We must see (view/perceive) adversity as the main ingredient to the success recipe. Most of us turn away from adversity, avoiding it at every turn. Adversity will come whether you like it or not, and you can’t control it, avoid it, or run from it. Adversity comes in all shapes, forms, and sizes. It’s like air… You can’t live without facing adversity. Success is directly tied to our ability to navigate and conquer adversity.
“Forrest Gump quoted his momma… ‘life is like a box of chocolates’, and he was referring to life is all about adversity…” Craig Stephen Rogers
Adversity is like a stallion. Beautiful and scary all at once. Powerful and untamed. But once you embrace the stallion, befriend it, and build a trusting relationship you might be able to harness all that power and steer it in the right direction. A powerful stallion can take you on the grandest of journey’s, or he can buck you off leaving you bruised and bloodied. It’s all about how you approach and perceive adversity.
There’s a new fitness craze known as “CrossFit”. CrossFit is basically “going back to the basics”; lots of high intensity training, mixing anaerobic training with aerobic training. Each training session is different from the next. Essentially you throw different routines at your body, keeping it mixed up, never repeating the same workout twice. Your muscles are confused and the intensity and the constant “change up” leaves your body unable to hit the growth ceiling. You reach fitness levels you only dreamed of…
The ultimate outcome of CrossFit is massive body fat loss mixed with outrageous muscle growth, definition, and tone. To your muscles it’s all adversity… Your muscles attempt to adapt (grow) to meet the unusual adversity (always changing high intensity). Emotional and spiritual growth come through adversity as well, and we can grow emotionally and physically in the same manner that our muscles grow. But do we dare allow ourselves to deal with the high intensity workouts that come with emotional and spiritual adversity?
Are you an emotional and spiritual couch potato? Do you need to lose some emotional fat and gain spiritual muscle? Do you need CrossFit? Do you avoid adversity, side stepping it at every turn? Do you hide when adversity comes knocking? Do you give up, cower in fear, or slink away in defeat when the going gets tough? Or, like the ultimate CrossFit warrior do you heed the call to push through the pain and reach new levels of fitness? How do you view (perceive) adversity?
Craig Rogers blessed and moving forward… I am the lucky one…
I, Craig Rogers, have had my recent ups and downs, and there is no doubt that these last few years have been my toughest… but I am blessed, and I’m the lucky one. 11 surgeries over the last few years have caused me to suffer many personal and professional setbacks. However, as I sit here right now and reflect upon my life, my career, and the blessings that I have there is no doubt that I am one of the most blessed people I know.
Its all about how we perceive things. I visited Haiti four years ago and that visit was burned into my brain. I can’t shake it. Whenever I become overwhelmed, overstressed, and feel like “playing the victim” I think about the people I met in Haiti. And they are still there, and still fighting, and would give anything to have my measly problems. I am still in touch with the people I met in Haiti, and what they endure on a daily basis is more than I have had to deal with over my entire life.
The people I met in Haiti live their daily lives on faith. They don’t have anything we have, but they have more. When I start to feel sorry for myself, and start sending out invitations to my next pity party, I think of the people of Haiti. Its like a two-by-four across my head, waking me up to all that I have in comparison to others.
The truth is that I am very blessed. I am blessed
because I got to work with kids and families. I did nothing for them in comparison to what they did for me. I am the lucky one to have met and worked with kids like Peter Sherman. I was the one who learned a valued lesson. I was the student and he was my teacher. Peter Sherman will do well with his life, for this I am sure. I never worried about him because he had more than it takes to be successful. He taught me many incredible things about life, about perseverance, and about hope-patience-faith.
I wish you well my friend, Peter… pay it forward!
Craig Rogers
True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends
Friendship is a rarity these days, very rare. What should be rare is parents being friends to children. Parents should not be friends to their children. One of the reasons that teens become “troubled” is due to the fact that their child is treated as a friend, and not as a child. Our children are way above the level of “friends”. The love and consideration toward a child is unconditional, without limits of grace, mercy, and commitment. But there is also tremendous responsibility
True friendship looks more like “acquaintanceship”. Or, as my brother once stated, “friends are either true, or they are ‘fair-weathered…. meaning, when adversity hits, when trials and tribulations arise, they scatter like roaches when the lights turn on, or like rats leaving a sinking ship…” I have two different types of friends. The true friends that are with me through thick and thin (accepting me with all my faults – there are many!) and the fair-weather friends (people who use me as long as it’s convenient and comfortable and serves them personally). The first group is “called” to friendship and follows a greater purpose, and the other group is self-focused and insecure, self-centered, and I’m called to serve them anyway (love your neighbor).
I love my fair-weathered friends. They are my gift, my service, my reason for living. It’s my calling to love those who are unlovable, untrustworthy, and lonely (exactly the way I was before I met my Lord and Savior, Jesus). My true friends sustain me and will always be there to “add”, “give”, and “contribute”… My true friends have been called to love me, keeping me fresh and strong, knowing that I need refreshment as I am stabbed and abused in the service toward my fair-weathered friends.
What does this mean to parents of troubled teens? Our children are not our friends, and we are in service to God as we sow into their lives. We invest into them because we are called to do so and we are to look for nothing in return. It’s never about us, it’s about them and we are “called” to serve, especially the children who are self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered. There are no “fair-weather parents”. There are good parents and bad parents (there are no “perfect parents”, only obedient parents who are plugged into and sustained by faith alone… Who know their calling, and it’s never about comfort). Therefore, we are to see everyone (our children and all other people) as family members, as brothers and sisters, daughters, and sons… There are no friends! There are only opportunities to serve or to be selfish!
God calls us His children and Jesus calls us “brothers” and “sisters”. We are all one family. Some of us are surrogate parents (true friends called to serve the “other children” of God) without judgment or want. Meaning, we are truly one big family (brothers, sisters, moms and dads) or God is not telling us the truth. We either believe (what He says about us in the Bible) or we don’t.
Therefore, when it comes to friends they are “my calling”, my family! Fair-weathered friends are my favorite, and it’s not about what they do for us (comfort, convenience, pleasure, ease, fun, enjoyment…), it’s what we do in obedience and the fulfillment of our purpose! To my fair-weathered back stabbing selfish weak-willed friends… You ROCK! It’s by grace that we are saved, and by grace I love you, forgive you, and will continue to serve you (Matthew chapter 5). In humility I truly love those who have scorned me, turned their backs to me, sold me out for some silver! I love you and because of you I am alive! And… I am no different, no better, and no higher than you! By grace alone am I anything, and nothing of myself!
Parents… You are to give up receiving anything in return from parenting your children. They are not your friend, and they are not there for you (your pleasure, ease, convenience…). You exist for them as you have been called to serve God in obedience!
Related articles
- True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Submission to Authority – Teen Challenge Teaching (articles.troubledteensearch.com)
- Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Abundant Life Academy Teaches Freedom & Individual Liberties (behavioralhealthhub.com)
True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends
Parents of Troubled Teens can learn from “I still haven’t found what I am looking for”.
“But I still haven’t found what I am looking for…” a song from the U2 album, Joshua Tree. “Haven’t found what I am looking for” is the immortal mantra of the human condition, captured by Bono, many years ago on the Joshua Tree album… and that song is still speaking volumes today, if we are willing to listen. The truth is that none of us really find what we are looking for, because we aren’t supposed to! If we do find “it” there’s always more (a deeper and more fulfilling level of “it”), because we are never satisfied, always seeking more; learning more, discovering more, experiencing more… Or, we are dead! It’s the human plot, man’s theory, our purpose… It’s destiny, our curse, and our freedom, and our total existence – all wrapped up into one reason to breath! There is always “something more”, or we are dead inside, no longer living, no longer tasting life (no wisdom and no understanding).
With or with out you… Another U2 song on the Joshua Tree album tells another story of the same episode. We, as humans, live or we have excuses. We either live, or we give ourselves away (die slowly). Bono says, “I can’t live with or without you!” I can’t live…. this song is the flip side, the tail to the heads of the coin. It’s either we live (have purpose) or we die. Unfortunately, the one thing that determines whether we live or die is “control”. The flip side of the control coin is freedom. “Live free or die” has been spoken (written) so many times by so many authors through the history of mankind (starting in the caves as prehistoric man captured life on the walls of caves). Songs have been sung throughout the course of man’s existence depicting the same thing.., live or die, seek to find or give up in death, find the triumph and victory or at least die trying!
The human condition (or experience) we seek is the same in all of us… To borrow a quote from Ransom Ministries, “We have an adventure to live, a beauty to rescue, and a battle to fight.” Parents, stop trying to control your child before they become teens. Momentum (their life spirit was formed before the foundation of the world [Romans chapter 8]). If they are troubled teens it’s too late to stop or even slow down the momentum (hold on because you are just along for the ride).
Raising a troubled teen reminds me of the movie Armageddon with Bruce Willis (Bruce and a bunch of deep sea well drillers save the world by deflecting a large astroid/meteor hurling towards earth). In the movie, the asteroid that was going to destroy earth, its path was to intersect with earth was determined billions of years ago… As the monster was heading toward earth People were living their lives (eating, drinking, marrying) on earth totally clueless at the momentum of the asteroid heading smack dab at earth. To save the earth Bruce Willis’ character had to “deflect” the asteroid just enough… guide it away… subtlety influencing its path (a direct path hitting earth with a thud that would end all life) before it was too late. Parents, you are Bruce Willis! By the time your child is a teenager he or she is an asteroid hurling through space with tremendous velocity… When you have a “troubled teen” the only thing you can do is to gently and subtly alter their course (deflect), using their own momentum, and redirect some of that energy onto a better (safer) path. This subtle influence might be a nuclear bomb (like enrolling them into a boarding school for troubled teens) but it had better be a gentle redirect and not an attempt to “stop” or “control” your teen.
Parents of young adults! Here’s my fair warning. If you are still trying to “save”, “rescue”, or “protect” (in other words “control”) your young adult (18 to 24) then “shame on you!”. You have not learned a thing and your selfishness is unbecoming of someone who is supposed to love their child. If, by the time they are young adults, you don’t know that “control”, “coercion”, and “shame” (should be) is all about you and your comfort then you will never learn and all the pain and agony of watching your adult child crash and burn is on your head!
Momentum is a funny thing! It can’t be stopped, it can only be altered or deflected.
Related articles
- Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis
Momentum’s Solution, don’t go against momentum, go with it. When Parents of Troubled Teens have children in crisis, go with the momentum and not against it.
Negotiating with the devil: No situation in negotiation with a 15 year old troubled teen is more problematic or painful than when you realize that you are negotiating against or with pure evil. Not that your troubled teen is evil, but your perception has led you to believe that the “powers to be” are evil and in alignment with evil. Really? Is it really evil, or do we need an excuse to exert “control” at any cost? Is it evil or simply “not the way its supposed to be?” There are times when literally we are dealing with evil forces and it’s not just “perceived evil”. Most of the time the only evil part of our situation is our attempt to control, coerce, and bully (using guilt or shame) our teen into behaving in the way that comforts us (the way “it should be”). Many of parents of troubled teens I have worked with over the last 20 years have a perception of the way things “should be” and are willing to do anything to fulfill that “should be” scenario. They withhold love and affection and attempt to shame their child into compliance. They either use shame, or they use “restriction” an insurance policy to fulfill “should be”. But what about natural momentum?
What is the “should be” scenario? Well, let me give you one typical scenario. Your “perfect teen” is in the church (mission trips, youth group, liked and respected by the Pastor and Youth Pastor), good student, good athlete, yada yada. Then, get into a good Christian (or private college) and “court” the perfect Christian boy or girl… Finish Christian college, meet the perfect Christian guy or girl, and settled down with the perfect job, start having kids, participate in the ministry until they start having kids. But what about momentum? Does the child grow up with a special bent or strong vision that is somewhat different, and if so, is it okay?
The truth is that way too many parents see demons and devils around every corner. They look at their child’s individuality and tenacious adventurous spirit and say, “the devil is working overtime on my child!” Is there something wrong with the Father of the Prodigal Son (Luke 14)? He seemed to have the desire to see his sons grow up to be responsible successful adults. But he also seemed to understand the notion of “momentum”. Like a total fool, the Father of the Prodigal Son gave up fighting his “hell bent” son and he sold half of his estate and gave his wayward son his inheritance early! Like a complete idiot the Father of the Prodigal Son actually went with the wayward momentum of his troubled son! What an idiot! Or, perhaps he knew something that we don’t?
I am not saying that we should not resist evil. I am not saying that we should bow down and sit back and let the devil destroy our children and do nothing to protect them. I am saying, “what is God allowing and what are you missing?” Momentum is found throughout the Bible, especially in the 4 Gospels (as it relates to the life and ministry of Jesus). Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil in every way… Jesus was either going to “pass the test” or not. His momentum was already in full motion before he was 12… and it was going to work or not. He was prepared for the cross long before the temptations came, long before he was betrayed, arrested, beaten, and crucified! Jesus, according to the Bible went into hell for 3 days and conquered the devil before He was resurrected and returned from death. That’s momentum! It was not going to be stopped. God has given us all momentum.
Recently I was in negotiation with an evil man… no doubt he was pure evil. He’s a short (small-minded man) who has always seen himself as a victim. He enjoyed hurting me, and as I found out later I was just one of many he has taken his vengeance out upon. I found out later that during his youth he was treated like a literal retard (he always struggled in school and never developed social skills… therefore he was always picked on, ridiculed, and beat up [he's very small in stature and could not defend himself]. He did so poorly in school he didn’t learn to read or write above a 5the grade level. He was always told he was stupid.). This man worked very hard with his hands, developed a very good work ethic, and specialized labor skills. After decades of hard work and sacrifice he was very fortunate and became a financial success. Since then he has used his wealth and position of wealth to “get back” at anyone he believes represents those “types of people” who harassed him or beat him up when he was younger. Similar to Ted Bundy who’s victims were women who represented his abusive mother, this man saw me as one of those people who needed to be “taken care of”.
I had no idea of what this evil little man was capable of. I was not prepared and was definitely ill-equipped to handle the viciousness of his attacks. He came out of no where, with no warning. Talk about a sheep in wolves clothing…. I had never been directly involved with pure evil (not willingly at least). At one point I had to decide whether to fight this devil, negotiate with this devil, or question whether this guy really was evil (the devil in a man’s body). Unfortunately, I got eaten alive and found out the hard way that unless you are willing to be “more evil” than the devil there is no way you can win. I’d rather negotiate with Al Qaeda, Iran, and Hamas (together) than to negotiate with a man who calls himself a Christian but in truth is an agent of evil. Although I learned a great deal through the experience (I’m actually beginning to become grateful to some degree), I’ve learned that God is stripping me (still stripping) me of a lot of junk (replacing the junk with humility, empathy, and TRUE care for others). God, through this ordeal is stripping me of “judgement toward others” and he is teaching me a great deal about momentum. This evil little man has negative momentum that was built long ago and I just happened to be in the way at its peak velocity. It really wasn’t personal (as Ted Bundy would later say about his brunette victims… they were picked at random, nothing the victims did angered Ted, but based on the fact that they were brunettes he raped and killed them through brutal heartless evil). The point is that the momentum with Ted Bundy and this man that ran me over (crushing, stealing, lying, deceiving, cheating) was created long ago and God allowed it to happen.
I can’t say that I passed the test, I’m afraid it’s not over. But I can say that I am greatly humbled, thankful, and more appreciative of Jesus and what He did for me (and the entire world). I can say that I know grace at a whole new level. I can say that I can now pray for a man under the influence of evil and want to see him set free. Most importantly, I now can say that “momentum” is real to me… and becoming more defined and better understood. I am a better “parent coach” now (more empathetic). For parents of a 15 year old girl who has “fallen in love” with a 27 year old ex-con drug dealer I can honestly say, “I know what you are going through!” with authenticity. I can tell you that you had better understand momentum… You can’t stop it (whether its good or bad), you can only influence it. By the time the momentum interacts with you your faith will be tested (the reason for momentum). You will either cling to Jesus and stay out of the fray or attempt to fight evil and lose in vain (like peeing on a raging forest fire).
Peter told Jesus that he was going to die for him (Peter’s loyalty and dedication to Jesus was questioned before “the test”). Peter was incensed by Jesus’ assertion that he would betray His Lord three times before the rooster crowed. Both Jesus and Peter were “in motion” and their momentum interacted perfectly as God had planned from the beginning. Jesus understood momentum (knowing, in faith, that His Father had everything under control). Peter had no clue about momentum. Neither did Judas… Judas was chosen from the beginning to be the son of perdition. He obeyed God when he sold Jesus. He also obeyed Jesus when he was told, “go do now what has been planned from the beginning!”. But because Judas didn’t understand momentum he killed himself in complete shame and guilt, the total misunderstanding of momentum.
If two people are supposed to be together NO ONE and NOTHING can stop it! Think about that for a moment mom and dad… Ponder!
Dealing with evil is not something I’d wish on my worst enemy. I can now honestly say to the parents of 15 year old girls (honor students) who are dropping out of school to run away with 27 year old ex-convicts drug dealers, “I can understand what you are going through”. I can now understand when they say, “this guy came in and turned our entire life upside down and has cast an evil spell upon our daughter. Prior to my own experience dealing with evil I honestly did not know what evil was. More importantly, I didn’t know momentum!
Related articles
- Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis (craigstephenrogers.com)
Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens
Momentum and how parents can effectively parent the troubled teen. Today’s post is not “the good news” that most parents (that is parents of troubled teens are going to appreciate…). The information I post here is not filled with hope or immediate solutions. Momentum, and the principles of momentum, as I suggest, state that “it’s too late” for a parent of a troubled teen when you are in the midst of the crisis. Meaning, by the time a troubled teen is in the throws of total rebellion it’s to late to engage influence (as a parent of a teenager “influence” is the only tool that you have at your disposal… Otherwise you are left with the nuclear option, which is to enroll your troubled teen into a therapeutic boarding school – a totally necessary intervention in many cases).
My daughter Brooke, 17 years old, is the most amazing kid a parent could ever have… and she defies everything I have ever done as her Father. Her mom, Wendy, has done a fabulous job with Brooke. But I can’t claim the same! As a matter of fact Brooke is perfect (literally perfect) despite all my screw ups and failures. I write this admission of “parental failure” for only one purpose, and it’s not to “come clean”. I admit to failing as a way to define “momentum”. Basically, I am using the most real evidence I have ever known as a parent and professional parent coach as a way to define and describe “momentum”. My hope is that I can set a few parents “free” and onto a place of restoration and wholeness.
Brooke came out of the womb with her own purpose, her own style, and her own way of being. She is unique and a total delight, and from day one she was this “certain way” and regardless of what I have done, good or bad, she has accomplished marvelous things through what I call “momentum”. Momentum is a combination of our individual personality, make up, and bent. Additionally, we are born with a purpose, a destiny, and a unique “cause”. Together, our uniqueness and our “cause” are unstoppable. Our very unique and individualized personality is inherent in us, a gift of God to be displayed for His glory and purpose. It all starts at birth and the momentum of all this stuff (unique and individual – one of a kind) cannot be stopped by anyone other than ourselves. Momentum cannot be stopped by others, but can be stymied by our own doing (fear, doubt, resentment, etc.) I believe the momentum that is underway by the time a child reaches teen hood is impossible to stop (the speed, torque, and power is just too much) and can only be influenced (subtle alteration through guidance, coaching, and “trust”). I write this with tears of joy (literal tears) because Brooke is so beautiful, inside and out, and I had nothing to do with any of her development as a person. God is that good! He loves us regardless of who we are and what we do as parents, good or bad.
Brooke’s momentum is based unconditional love for everyone including those who have not fully appreciated her unique sweetness. Brooke is resilient, strong, and purposeful (she was born to accomplish a mission and has never let anything cause her to deviate from that mission and instead has allowed EVERYTHING she has experienced to ensure that the mission is accomplished). Brooke has never acted as a “victim” a day in her life. Although she has been mistreated grossly by a very religious and mean-spirited culture (we are “believers” [non-Mormons] living in Utah). She also was heavily discriminated against when we lived in a small fishing village in Mexico for several years. But with Brooke there has never been any hint of complaint, anger, or victimhood… Not a peep from her. She never places blame upon others either, nor does she complain about the way she is treated. Instead, she’s filled with appreciation, compassion, empathy for others, and positive hope that transcends the ugliness of others (its as if she is blind to their mistreatment toward her). It’s not in her make up to be a victim and she turns adversity into a positive strength. She doesn’t hold grudges and displays no element of bitterness… Bitterness has never crossed her mind or lips. She literally hopes for the best outcome for everyone including those who have mistreated her, undervalued her, or dismissed her. She looks at people with empathy and does not taste regret.
I have been a father who worked too much, giving more to others (staff, kids, families) than I gave my own children. I have been unpredictable, highly emotional (high maintenance) and extremely selfish (at times). All together I have been a typical “normal” American Father (who did slightly better than my own Father who was a workoholic). Despite all this Brooke has always forgiven me, and wants nothing but the very best for me. She always wants to spend time with me (doing nothing in particular, just being together is enough). Brooke defies logic, principle, and reason. She has allowed me to see how ridiculous my notions are (parenting, leadership, and business training knowledge… all my knowledge goes out the door with Brooke). Brooke taught me about the concept of “momentum”. She also has taught me about the “spirit of performance”. Overall, her momentum has overtaken my ideas, concepts, knowledge, and platitudes and put them all into proper prospective (into the trash where they belong). Brooke has humbled me and became my teacher.
So, to all those people who strive to control, carry tremendous guilt, and beat themselves up (seeing themselves as failures, letting people down, falling short) please STOP! We are all born with a purpose and a passion, a reason, and a destiny. Even I have a destiny and a purpose (it’s becoming more clear each day).
We all are born with a soulmate too, the perfect person, “the one”. We look for them until we find them. Its in our DNA to seek them out and it has a large part of the power behind “momentum”. We might not find them, or we might screw it up and prevent ourselves from being with them, but it’s all predetermined. Even men and women in prison have soulmates (the one God choose just for them) but because of their choices they are prevented from being with “the one”. But their desire to be connected does not go away just because they are locked up. They might not be with their soulmate due to poor personal choices and their need to seek out this mate will only grow stronger.
As parents of teens “seeking” their soulmate do you really think we can stop or prevent them from seeking, discovering, or finding “the one”? Do we get to decide who the one is? This “seeking” starts shortly after puberty and grows stronger with each day. Clueless kids handling momentum – dangerous! Welcome to parenthood! I could better describe this entire notion of teens in trouble by using my 21 year old son’s teenage love affairs. But he and his “girl” will kill me. I will leave it alone until they are much older but I can share this one thing…. To get in between my son and his affections for this girl would cause irreparable harm for all concerned. I learned many things during those tumultuous years and those nuggets will be the basis of some of my greatest wisdom. But for now I will stay with Brooke’s sweet momentum and avoid world war 3.
We all have momentum. And…as our parents could not dictate who we “fell in love with” (or, became infatuated with) we can’t possibly control the love life of our 15 year old. You can’t mistaken momentum, and if you are going to have any positive influence you must understand and rely solely on “trust”. Can you give up the “control”, the “guilt”, and begin to understand that momentum cannot be stopped? We are who we are, we’ve done what we’ve done, and we love whom we love! It’s the same with our teens. Most of what and whom we are we were born with and it will play out despite our addiction to control our children (we believe that things “should be” a certain way and we use manipulation, coercion, guilt and shame to make things turn out the “way it should be” [meaning, "the right way"]… But do we really have the ability to control anything that has momentum?).
Brooke has dismantled my perfect parenting lesson plan and turned over my best parenting curriculum. She has basically broken my mold, spoiled my intelligence, ruined my principles, and made low my “wisdom”. She’s challenged all that I’ve held dear (professional training) and taught me to have an opened mind and be ready to accept the things I cannot change and to thoroughly enjoy, cherish, and be thankful for her momentum (especially because Caleb’s [my 10 year old] momentum is like the asteroid in the movie Armeggadon [Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Taylor]).
Related articles
- Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens
Momentum, as discussed in “part 1″ was described as a mysterious uncontrollable force of an object (large object) in motion (with speed and power). It was also discussed that we attempt to control it, deny it, dismiss it, and avoid it – all for not! It’s actually considered “retarded” (as my teenagers would say…) to try to control momentum. Now, we do have certain levels of influence over momentum. Very limited influence, that is… But most of our time, energy, and “soulical” power is invested in trying to control momentum or pretend to deny it (by convincing ourselves that we have power over it when in reality it has it’s own uncontrollable power that we either accept or get crushed by it).
People get upset with me because they believe that I speak in complex platitudes and they struggle to understand what I am trying to convey! I say, “good!” What is wrong with having to think deeply, or to search for understanding (working hard to learn depth)? It’s the exercising of the mind through adversity that creates wisdom and brings forth understanding. In other words, we bitch and moan about the hard work that it takes to become wise!
Parents don’t seem to understand that the “momentum” of the 15 year old girl or boy started many many years ago! To notice what is going on at the moment (good or bad) is useless because the momentum that you see now actually started long ago… Thus, the reason for the term “momentum”. As parents we can only influence (albeit limited) the choices and behaviors of our 15 year old. We can’t control whom they like, whom they fall in love with (hopelessly infatuated causing them to feel incredible deep yearnings that take over their brains – leaving no ability to think or reason), or whom they give their heart to. What they are doing today (let’s use forbidden love) actually started many years ago! They may have recently come into contact with a boy or girl (hopelessly in love against all reason) but the ground work (desires, hopes, and dreams) were built up over the years and were established long before the actual physical happenstance meeting. Like the little girl who dreamed of her prince charming, creating visions of her perfect mate when she was just a mere child. Or the young boy dreaming of adventure, saving the princess and being the hero! Like a snowball rolling down a mountainside… The momentum of the snowball hits “critical mass” and at one point becomes something that just can’t be stopped. By this time it must be played out or there will be devastation and destruction.
Our influence over our children over a long period of time guides them like a rocket in space… A little burst here and there might redirect our teens from trouble, but only if they trust us and allow us to influence them. In other words we might be able to exert some influence over the momentum (their mysterious life force – direction and course) but momentum is momentum. It’s a life in motion with speed, torque, and power heading in a specific direction… Impossible to stop or slow down unless we are trusted, thus allowing us to exert influence over this momentum, possibly steering it to avoid destruction. The hard work of having built trust must have been done long ago and over time.
Hopelessness of a 15 year old “in love!”…. Stop them in the midst of the rebellious forbidden love? Yeah right! I’d rather attempt to convince a brick wall to move on its own. I’d rather pat the head of my pet rattlesnake, or teach cats to bark and dogs to meow! Its probably easier too! You have to understand that what is in motion will continue hurling in the direction and speed in which it is traveling (either get out of the way or be run over) and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You have influence to guide but no power to control or reason.
Tomorrow we discuss the process of influence. But we must understand the difference between influence and control, or we can make things worse (adding to the momentum). Once a big object (like a 15 year old in love) has speed and power it has momentum. With understanding and wisdom parents only have influence to guide the object in motion, gently altering it’s course with subtle influential forces (you had better hope that you’ve established trust long before you exert attempt to influence).
Love is a crazy unexplainable thing that comes from the depth of our hearts. It is what it is… Mysterious and beautiful. If our 15 year old has our heart all along the way we might have already exerted influence many times along the way (hopefully in a good way), and when they really need us they know that they can trust us (meaning, we can speak into their life and be heard). To deny, condemn, or pretend that their love is wrong is to lose all trust and influence. But what do we do when they have chosen the wrong person? Part 3 tomorrow.
Related articles
- Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Submission to Authority – Teen Challenge Teaching (articles.troubledteensearch.com)
- True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Turning Your Life Around with Adversity (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Abundant Life Academy Teaches Freedom & Individual Liberties (behavioralhealthhub.com)
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Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips
Momentum is a funny thing… It has a life force all of its own. Momentum involves millions of factors, most of which are unknown or unseen. These factors are all around us causing indirect and direct influence upon us. Most of these factors (enveloping and defining momentum) we have no control over! Absolutely no control whatsoever.
The truth is that “momentum” (factors contributing to momentum) are mostly unseen and we have no control over them. In many ways we are flying blind! But we act as though we are in total charge! Our addiction to control, comfort, position, relevance, desires, and just about everything in our lives drives us to behave as if we have control over momentum. But momentum has control over us and we are just along for the ride!
What does any of this have to do with “parenting” or “troubled teens”? Well, lets explore momentum and what we have actual power and control of… How much control do we exhibit over the boy your 15 year old daughter has a crush on? There is puberty and hormones… Natural human desires to “couple”… There is peer pressure, identity needs, and the natural desires to be “the one and only” in the life of that special person! Can a parent really think they can control the momentum of a 15 year old girl who has fallen in love (infatuated with) “that boy”? Can the 40 year old mother of two control her own momentum? Then why would she think she had control over here infatuated 15 year old? Don’t we all remember what it was like to be 15 and “in love?”
Mom and Dad, I am not saying that you just throw caution to the wind and stand back doing nothing as if your hands are completely tied. But you need to understand the complications (unseen momentum) that is more powerful than anything you have ever faced or dealt with (at least not since you were 15). So… If what I say about momentum is true, what can a parent do? What if the 15 year old is in love with someone you don’t want them involved with? Such as an older guy?
Well, I will be addressing these specific issues and more in the coming blog posts. But first, before we can explore our options of “what do we do when our 15 year old is dangerously close to a forbidden love?” we need to come to terms with momentum. Specifically, the unseen and powerful elements of human behavior that we can’t stop or eliminate. We certainly can’t dismiss them or ignore them as if they will go away. Above all things don’t get the idea that you can control momentum. Momentum is mysterious and bigger than “why”, “when”, or “should be”.
More tomorrow on momentum and the mysteries of the parenting universe!
Related articles
- Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For! (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope” (craigstephenrogers.com)
- True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends (craigstephenrogers.com)
- Submission to Authority – Teen Challenge Teaching (articles.troubledteensearch.com)
