Dave Goode of ALA Assaults 72 year old man

Posted on January 21, 2012 by Craig Rogers

Dave Goode, Executive Director of Abundant Life Academy assaults 72 year old man today following a verbal altercation at a Horse stable in St George, Utah. This afternoon Leroy Jensen, 72 year old resident of Kanab, Utah, was assaulted by Dave Goode in front of witnesses. Mr. Jensen filed a complaint with the St George Police Department stating that the 6’3″ 385 lb Dave Goode physically assaulted him, striking Jensen’s chest. Additionally, Jensen claims that Goode used his rather large belly like a sumo wrestler, knocking the older man to the ground. Jensen, weighing about 200 lbs less than Mr Goode was also prevented from leaving the horse stables. Dave Goode allegedly used his large belly to prevent Mr Jensen from getting to his car in an effort to flee the attack.

Goode was involved with a theft of $10,000 from the former owner of Abundant Life Academy (ALA). Former ALA parent George Phia claimed that He paid Dave Goode $10,000 cash. The cash was never deposited in the ALA accounts and is still unaccounted for. Jensen is the father-in-law of Abundant Life Academy owner. Dave Goode is under investigation for other improprieties associated with ALA.

Today’s dispute was over the theft of a saddle. Jensen found his saddle in the possession of Dave Goode’s wife, Rachel Goode. Dave Goode threatened to physically harm Jensen if he had further contact with his wife over the theft of the saddle.

Abundant Life Academy is a Christian boarding school located off of Sunset Blvd in St George, Utah. At this time it is unclear whether Dave Goode was arrested, charged, or cited by the St George Police Department.

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True Friendship is Rare: Parents are not Friends

Posted on December 11, 2011 by Craig Rogers

True friendship is a rarity these days, especially here in the west (North American Christian people). True friendship looks more like “acquaintanceship”. Or, as my brother once stated, “friends are either true, or they are ‘fair-weathered…. meaning, when adversity hits, when trials and tribulations arise, they scatter like roaches when the lights turn on, or like rats leaving a sinking ship…” I have two different types of friends. The true friends that are with me through thick and thin (accepting me with all my faults – there are many!) and the fair-weather friends (people who use me as long as it’s convenient and comfortable and serves them personally). The first group is “called” to friendship and follows a greater purpose, and the other group is self-focused and insecure, self-centered, and I’m called to serve them anyway (love your neighbor).

I love my fair-weathered friends. They are my gift, my service, my reason for living. It’s my calling to love those who are unlovable, untrustworthy, and lonely (exactly the way I was before I met my Lord and Savior, Jesus). My true friends sustain me and will always be there to “add”, “give”, and “contribute”… My true friends have been called to love me, keeping me fresh and strong, knowing that I need refreshment as I am stabbed and abused in the service toward my fair-weathered friends.

What does this mean to parents of troubled teens? Our children are not our friends, and we are in service to God as we sow into their lives. We invest into them because we are called to do so and we are to look for nothing in return. It’s never about us, it’s about them and we are “called” to serve, especially the children who are self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered. There are no “fair-weather parents”. There are good parents and bad parents (there are no “perfect parents”, only obedient parents who are plugged into and sustained by faith alone… Who know their calling, and it’s never about comfort). Therefore, we are to see everyone (our children and all other people) as family members, as brothers and sisters, daughters, and sons… There are no friends! There are only opportunities to serve or to be selfish!

God calls us His children and Jesus calls us “brothers” and “sisters”. We are all one family. Some of us are surrogate parents (true friends called to serve the “other children” of God) without judgment or want. Meaning, we are truly one big family (brothers, sisters, moms and dads) or God is not telling us the truth. We either believe (what He says about us in the Bible) or we don’t.

Therefore, when it comes to friends they are “my calling”, my family! Fair-weathered friends are my favorite, and it’s not about what they do for us (comfort, convenience, pleasure, ease, fun, enjoyment…), it’s what we do in obedience and the fulfillment of our purpose! To my fair-weathered back stabbing selfish weak-willed friends… You ROCK! It’s by grace that we are saved, and by grace I love you, forgive you, and will continue to serve you (Matthew chapter 5). In humility I truly love those who have scorned me, turned their backs to me, sold me out for some silver! I love you and because of you I am alive! And… I am no different, no better, and no higher than you! By grace alone am I anything, and nothing of myself!

Parents… You are to give up receiving anything in return from parenting your children. They are not your friend, and they are not there for you (your pleasure, ease, convenience…). You exist for them as you have been called to serve God in obedience!

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Parenting Troubled Teens: Still Haven’t Found What I am Looking For!

Posted on December 10, 2011 by Craig Rogers

“But I still haven’t found what I am looking for…” a song from the U2 album, Joshua Tree. “Haven’t found what I am looking for” is the immortal mantra of the human condition, captured by Bono, many years ago on the Joshua Tree album… and that song is still speaking volumes today, if we are willing to listen. The truth is that none of us really find what we are looking for, because we aren’t supposed to! If we do find “it” there’s always more (a deeper and more fulfilling level of “it”), because we are never satisfied, always seeking more; learning more, discovering more, experiencing more… Or, we are dead! It’s the human plot, man’s theory, our purpose… It’s destiny, our curse, and our freedom, and our total existence – all wrapped up into one reason to breath! There is always “something more”, or we are dead inside, no longer living, no longer tasting life (no wisdom and no understanding).

With or with out you… Another U2 song on the Joshua Tree album tells another story of the same episode. We, as humans, live or we have excuses. We either live, or we give ourselves away (die slowly). Bono says, “I can’t live with or without you!” I can’t live…. this song is the flip side, the tail to the heads of the coin. It’s either we live (have purpose) or we die. Unfortunately, the one thing that determines whether we live or die is “control”. The flip side of the control coin is freedom. “Live free or die” has been spoken (written) so many times by so many authors through the history of mankind (starting in the caves as prehistoric man captured life on the walls of caves). Songs have been sung throughout the course of man’s existence depicting the same thing.., live or die, seek to find or give up in death, find the triumph and victory or at least die trying!

The human condition (or experience) we seek is the same in all of us… To borrow a quote from Ransom Ministries, “We have an adventure to live, a beauty to rescue, and a battle to fight.” Parents, stop trying to control your child before they become teens. Momentum (their life spirit was formed before the foundation of the world [Romans chapter 8]). If they are troubled teens it’s too late to stop or even slow down the momentum (hold on because you are just along for the ride).

Raising a troubled teen reminds me of the movie Armageddon with Bruce Willis (Bruce and a bunch of deep sea well drillers save the world by deflecting a large astroid/meteor hurling towards earth). In the movie, the asteroid that was going to destroy earth, its path was to intersect with earth was determined billions of years ago… As the monster was heading toward earth People were living their lives (eating, drinking, marrying) on earth totally clueless at the momentum of the asteroid heading smack dab at earth. To save the earth Bruce Willis’ character had to “deflect” the asteroid just enough… guide it away… subtlety influencing its path (a direct path hitting earth with a thud that would end all life) before it was too late. Parents, you are Bruce Willis! By the time your child is a teenager he or she is an asteroid hurling through space with tremendous velocity… When you have a “troubled teen” the only thing you can do is to gently and subtly alter their course (deflect), using their own momentum, and redirect some of that energy onto a better (safer) path. This subtle influence might be a nuclear bomb (like enrolling them into a boarding school for troubled teens) but it had better be a gentle redirect and not an attempt to “stop” or “control” your teen.

Parents of young adults! Here’s my fair warning. If you are still trying to “save”, “rescue”, or “protect” (in other words “control”) your young adult (18 to 24) then “shame on you!”. You have not learned a thing and your selfishness is unbecoming of someone who is supposed to love their child. If, by the time they are young adults, you don’t know that “control”, “coercion”, and “shame” (should be) is all about you and your comfort then you will never learn and all the pain and agony of watching your adult child crash and burn is on your head!

Momentum is a funny thing! It can’t be stopped, it can only be altered or deflected.

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Momentum’s Solution: Troubled Teens Parent’s in Crisis

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Craig Rogers

Negotiating with the devil: No situation in negotiation with a 15 year old troubled teen is more problematic or painful than when you realize that you are negotiating against or with pure evil. Not that your troubled teen is evil, but your perception has led you to believe that the “powers to be” are evil and in alignment with evil. Really? Is it really evil, or do we need an excuse to exert “control” at any cost? Is it evil or simply “not the way its supposed to be?” There are times when literally we are dealing with evil forces and it’s not just “perceived evil”. Most of the time the only evil part of our situation is our attempt to control, coerce, and bully (using guilt or shame) our teen into behaving in the way that comforts us (the way “it should be”). Many of parents of troubled teens I have worked with over the last 20 years have a perception of the way things “should be” and are willing to do anything to fulfill that “should be” scenario. They withhold love and affection and attempt to shame their child into compliance. They either use shame, or they use “restriction” an insurance policy to fulfill “should be”. But what about natural momentum?

What is the “should be” scenario? Well, let me give you one typical scenario. Your “perfect teen” is in the church (mission trips, youth group, liked and respected by the Pastor and Youth Pastor), good student, good athlete, yada yada. Then, get into a good Christian (or private college) and “court” the perfect Christian boy or girl… Finish Christian college, meet the perfect Christian guy or girl, and settled down with the perfect job, start having kids, participate in the ministry until they start having kids. But what about momentum? Does the child grow up with a special bent or strong vision that is somewhat different, and if so, is it okay?

The truth is that way too many parents see demons and devils around every corner. They look at their child’s individuality and tenacious adventurous spirit and say, “the devil is working overtime on my child!” Is there something wrong with the Father of the Prodigal Son (Luke 14)? He seemed to have the desire to see his sons grow up to be responsible successful adults. But he also seemed to understand the notion of “momentum”. Like a total fool, the Father of the Prodigal Son gave up fighting his “hell bent” son and he sold half of his estate and gave his wayward son his inheritance early! Like a complete idiot the Father of the Prodigal Son actually went with the wayward momentum of his troubled son! What an idiot! Or, perhaps he knew something that we don’t?

I am not saying that we should not resist evil. I am not saying that we should bow down and sit back and let the devil destroy our children and do nothing to protect them. I am saying, “what is God allowing and what are you missing?” Momentum is found throughout the Bible, especially in the 4 Gospels (as it relates to the life and ministry of Jesus). Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil in every way… Jesus was either going to “pass the test” or not. His momentum was already in full motion before he was 12… and it was going to work or not. He was prepared for the cross long before the temptations came, long before he was betrayed, arrested, beaten, and crucified! Jesus, according to the Bible went into hell for 3 days and conquered the devil before He was resurrected and returned from death. That’s momentum! It was not going to be stopped. God has given us all momentum.

Recently I was in negotiation with an evil man… no doubt he was pure evil. He’s a short (small-minded man) who has always seen himself as a victim. He enjoyed hurting me, and as I found out later I was just one of many he has taken his vengeance out upon. I found out later that during his youth he was treated like a literal retard (he always struggled in school and never developed social skills… therefore he was always picked on, ridiculed, and beat up [he's very small in stature and could not defend himself]. He did so poorly in school he didn’t learn to read or write above a 5the grade level. He was always told he was stupid.). This man worked very hard with his hands, developed a very good work ethic, and specialized labor skills. After decades of hard work and sacrifice he was very fortunate and became a financial success. Since then he has used his wealth and position of wealth to “get back” at anyone he believes represents those “types of people” who harassed him or beat him up when he was younger. Similar to Ted Bundy who’s victims were women who represented his abusive mother, this man saw me as one of those people who needed to be “taken care of”.

I had no idea of what this evil little man was capable of. I was not prepared and was definitely ill-equipped to handle the viciousness of his attacks. He came out of no where, with no warning. Talk about a sheep in wolves clothing…. I had never been directly involved with pure evil (not willingly at least). At one point I had to decide whether to fight this devil, negotiate with this devil, or question whether this guy really was evil (the devil in a man’s body). Unfortunately, I got eaten alive and found out the hard way that unless you are willing to be “more evil” than the devil there is no way you can win. I’d rather negotiate with Al Qaeda, Iran, and Hamas (together) than to negotiate with a man who calls himself a Christian but in truth is an agent of evil. Although I learned a great deal through the experience (I’m actually beginning to become grateful to some degree), I’ve learned that God is stripping me (still stripping) me of a lot of junk (replacing the junk with humility, empathy, and TRUE care for others). God, through this ordeal is stripping me of “judgement toward others” and he is teaching me a great deal about momentum. This evil little man has negative momentum that was built long ago and I just happened to be in the way at its peak velocity. It really wasn’t personal (as Ted Bundy would later say about his brunette victims… they were picked at random, nothing the victims did angered Ted, but based on the fact that they were brunettes he raped and killed them through brutal heartless evil). The point is that the momentum with Ted Bundy and this man that ran me over (crushing, stealing, lying, deceiving, cheating) was created long ago and God allowed it to happen.

I can’t say that I passed the test, I’m afraid it’s not over. But I can say that I am greatly humbled, thankful, and more appreciative of Jesus and what He did for me (and the entire world). I can say that I know grace at a whole new level. I can say that I can now pray for a man under the influence of evil and want to see him set free. Most importantly, I now can say that “momentum” is real to me… and becoming more defined and better understood. I am a better “parent coach” now (more empathetic). For parents of a 15 year old girl who has “fallen in love” with a 27 year old ex-con drug dealer I can honestly say, “I know what you are going through!” with authenticity. I can tell you that you had better understand momentum… You can’t stop it (whether its good or bad), you can only influence it. By the time the momentum interacts with you your faith will be tested (the reason for momentum). You will either cling to Jesus and stay out of the fray or attempt to fight evil and lose in vain (like peeing on a raging forest fire).

Peter told Jesus that he was going to die for him (Peter’s loyalty and dedication to Jesus was questioned before “the test”). Peter was incensed by Jesus’ assertion that he would betray His Lord three times before the rooster crowed. Both Jesus and Peter were “in motion” and their momentum interacted perfectly as God had planned from the beginning. Jesus understood momentum (knowing, in faith, that His Father had everything under control). Peter had no clue about momentum. Neither did Judas… Judas was chosen from the beginning to be the son of perdition. He obeyed God when he sold Jesus. He also obeyed Jesus when he was told, “go do now what has been planned from the beginning!”. But because Judas didn’t understand momentum he killed himself in complete shame and guilt, the total misunderstanding of momentum.

If two people are supposed to be together NO ONE and NOTHING can stop it! Think about that for a moment mom and dad… Ponder!

Dealing with evil is not something I’d wish on my worst enemy. I can now honestly say to the parents of 15 year old girls (honor students) who are dropping out of school to run away with 27 year old ex-convicts drug dealers, “I can understand what you are going through”. I can now understand when they say, “this guy came in and turned our entire life upside down and has cast an evil spell upon our daughter. Prior to my own experience dealing with evil I honestly did not know what evil was. More importantly, I didn’t know momentum!

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Momentum Defined Part 3: Parenting Troubled Teens

Posted on December 5, 2011 by Craig Rogers

Momentum and how parents can effectively parent the troubled teen. Today’s post is not “the good news” that most parents (that is parents of troubled teens are going to appreciate…). The information I post here is not filled with hope or immediate solutions. Momentum, and the principles of momentum, as I suggest, state that “it’s too late” for a parent of a troubled teen when you are in the midst of the crisis. Meaning, by the time a troubled teen is in the throws of total rebellion it’s to late to engage influence (as a parent of a teenager “influence” is the only tool that you have at your disposal… Otherwise you are left with the nuclear option, which is to enroll your troubled teen into a therapeutic boarding school – a totally necessary intervention in many cases).

My daughter Brooke, 17 years old, is the most amazing kid a parent could ever have… and she defies everything I have ever done as her Father. Her mom, Wendy, has done a fabulous job with Brooke. But I can’t claim the same! As a matter of fact Brooke is perfect (literally perfect) despite all my screw ups and failures. I write this admission of “parental failure” for only one purpose, and it’s not to “come clean”. I admit to failing as a way to define “momentum”. Basically, I am using the most real evidence I have ever known as a parent and professional parent coach as a way to define and describe “momentum”. My hope is that I can set a few parents “free” and onto a place of restoration and wholeness.

Brooke came out of the womb with her own purpose, her own style, and her own way of being. She is unique and a total delight, and from day one she was this “certain way” and regardless of what I have done, good or bad, she has accomplished marvelous things through what I call “momentum”. Momentum is a combination of our individual personality, make up, and bent. Additionally, we are born with a purpose, a destiny, and a unique “cause”. Together, our uniqueness and our “cause” are unstoppable. Our very unique and individualized personality is inherent in us, a gift of God to be displayed for His glory and purpose. It all starts at birth and the momentum of all this stuff (unique and individual – one of a kind) cannot be stopped by anyone other than ourselves. Momentum cannot be stopped by others, but can be stymied by our own doing (fear, doubt, resentment, etc.) I believe the momentum that is underway by the time a child reaches teen hood is impossible to stop (the speed, torque, and power is just too much) and can only be influenced (subtle alteration through guidance, coaching, and “trust”). I write this with tears of joy (literal tears) because Brooke is so beautiful, inside and out, and I had nothing to do with any of her development as a person. God is that good! He loves us regardless of who we are and what we do as parents, good or bad.

Brooke’s momentum is based unconditional love for everyone including those who have not fully appreciated her unique sweetness. Brooke is resilient, strong, and purposeful (she was born to accomplish a mission and has never let anything cause her to deviate from that mission and instead has allowed EVERYTHING she has experienced to ensure that the mission is accomplished). Brooke has never acted as a “victim” a day in her life. Although she has been mistreated grossly by a very religious and mean-spirited culture (we are “believers” [non-Mormons] living in Utah). She also was heavily discriminated against when we lived in a small fishing village in Mexico for several years. But with Brooke there has never been any hint of complaint, anger, or victimhood… Not a peep from her. She never places blame upon others either, nor does she complain about the way she is treated. Instead, she’s filled with appreciation, compassion, empathy for others, and positive hope that transcends the ugliness of others (its as if she is blind to their mistreatment toward her). It’s not in her make up to be a victim and she turns adversity into a positive strength. She doesn’t hold grudges and displays no element of bitterness… Bitterness has never crossed her mind or lips. She literally hopes for the best outcome for everyone including those who have mistreated her, undervalued her, or dismissed her. She looks at people with empathy and does not taste regret.

I have been a father who worked too much, giving more to others (staff, kids, families) than I gave my own children. I have been unpredictable, highly emotional (high maintenance) and extremely selfish (at times). All together I have been a typical “normal” American Father (who did slightly better than my own Father who was a workoholic). Despite all this Brooke has always forgiven me, and wants nothing but the very best for me. She always wants to spend time with me (doing nothing in particular, just being together is enough). Brooke defies logic, principle, and reason. She has allowed me to see how ridiculous my notions are (parenting, leadership, and business training knowledge… all my knowledge goes out the door with Brooke). Brooke taught me about the concept of “momentum”. She also has taught me about the “spirit of performance”. Overall, her momentum has overtaken my ideas, concepts, knowledge, and platitudes and put them all into proper prospective (into the trash where they belong). Brooke has humbled me and became my teacher.

So, to all those people who strive to control, carry tremendous guilt, and beat themselves up (seeing themselves as failures, letting people down, falling short) please STOP! We are all born with a purpose and a passion, a reason, and a destiny. Even I have a destiny and a purpose (it’s becoming more clear each day).

We all are born with a soulmate too, the perfect person, “the one”. We look for them until we find them. Its in our DNA to seek them out and it has a large part of the power behind “momentum”. We might not find them, or we might screw it up and prevent ourselves from being with them, but it’s all predetermined. Even men and women in prison have soulmates (the one God choose just for them) but because of their choices they are prevented from being with “the one”. But their desire to be connected does not go away just because they are locked up. They might not be with their soulmate due to poor personal choices and their need to seek out this mate will only grow stronger.

As parents of teens “seeking” their soulmate do you really think we can stop or prevent them from seeking, discovering, or finding “the one”? Do we get to decide who the one is? This “seeking” starts shortly after puberty and grows stronger with each day. Clueless kids handling momentum – dangerous! Welcome to parenthood! I could better describe this entire notion of teens in trouble by using my 21 year old son’s teenage love affairs. But he and his “girl” will kill me. I will leave it alone until they are much older but I can share this one thing…. To get in between my son and his affections for this girl would cause irreparable harm for all concerned. I learned many things during those tumultuous years and those nuggets will be the basis of some of my greatest wisdom. But for now I will stay with Brooke’s sweet momentum and avoid world war 3.

We all have momentum. And…as our parents could not dictate who we “fell in love with” (or, became infatuated with) we can’t possibly control the love life of our 15 year old. You can’t mistaken momentum, and if you are going to have any positive influence you must understand and rely solely on “trust”. Can you give up the “control”, the “guilt”, and begin to understand that momentum cannot be stopped? We are who we are, we’ve done what we’ve done, and we love whom we love! It’s the same with our teens. Most of what and whom we are we were born with and it will play out despite our addiction to control our children (we believe that things “should be” a certain way and we use manipulation, coercion, guilt and shame to make things turn out the “way it should be” [meaning, "the right way"]… But do we really have the ability to control anything that has momentum?).

Brooke has dismantled my perfect parenting lesson plan and turned over my best parenting curriculum. She has basically broken my mold, spoiled my intelligence, ruined my principles, and made low my “wisdom”. She’s challenged all that I’ve held dear (professional training) and taught me to have an opened mind and be ready to accept the things I cannot change and to thoroughly enjoy, cherish, and be thankful for her momentum (especially because Caleb’s [my 10 year old] momentum is like the asteroid in the movie Armeggadon [Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Taylor]).

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Momentum Part 2: Parents and Troubled Teens

Posted on December 4, 2011 by Craig Rogers

Momentum, as discussed in “part 1″ was described as a mysterious uncontrollable force of an object (large object) in motion (with speed and power). It was also discussed that we attempt to control it, deny it, dismiss it, and avoid it – all for not! It’s actually considered “retarded” (as my teenagers would say…) to try to control momentum. Now, we do have certain levels of influence over momentum. Very limited influence, that is… But most of our time, energy, and “soulical” power is invested in trying to control momentum or pretend to deny it (by convincing ourselves that we have power over it when in reality it has it’s own uncontrollable power that we either accept or get crushed by it).

People get upset with me because they believe that I speak in complex platitudes and they struggle to understand what I am trying to convey! I say, “good!” What is wrong with having to think deeply, or to search for understanding (working hard to learn depth)? It’s the exercising of the mind through adversity that creates wisdom and brings forth understanding. In other words, we bitch and moan about the hard work that it takes to become wise!

Parents don’t seem to understand that the “momentum” of the 15 year old girl or boy started many many years ago! To notice what is going on at the moment (good or bad) is useless because the momentum that you see now actually started long ago… Thus, the reason for the term “momentum”. As parents we can only influence (albeit limited) the choices and behaviors of our 15 year old. We can’t control whom they like, whom they fall in love with (hopelessly infatuated causing them to feel incredible deep yearnings that take over their brains – leaving no ability to think or reason), or whom they give their heart to. What they are doing today (let’s use forbidden love) actually started many years ago! They may have recently come into contact with a boy or girl (hopelessly in love against all reason) but the ground work (desires, hopes, and dreams) were built up over the years and were established long before the actual physical happenstance meeting. Like the little girl who dreamed of her prince charming, creating visions of her perfect mate when she was just a mere child. Or the young boy dreaming of adventure, saving the princess and being the hero! Like a snowball rolling down a mountainside… The momentum of the snowball hits “critical mass” and at one point becomes something that just can’t be stopped. By this time it must be played out or there will be devastation and destruction.

Our influence over our children over a long period of time guides them like a rocket in space… A little burst here and there might redirect our teens from trouble, but only if they trust us and allow us to influence them. In other words we might be able to exert some influence over the momentum (their mysterious life force – direction and course) but momentum is momentum. It’s a life in motion with speed, torque, and power heading in a specific direction… Impossible to stop or slow down unless we are trusted, thus allowing us to exert influence over this momentum, possibly steering it to avoid destruction. The hard work of having built trust must have been done long ago and over time.

Hopelessness of a 15 year old “in love!”…. Stop them in the midst of the rebellious forbidden love? Yeah right! I’d rather attempt to convince a brick wall to move on its own. I’d rather pat the head of my pet rattlesnake, or teach cats to bark and dogs to meow! Its probably easier too! You have to understand that what is in motion will continue hurling in the direction and speed in which it is traveling (either get out of the way or be run over) and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You have influence to guide but no power to control or reason.

Tomorrow we discuss the process of influence. But we must understand the difference between influence and control, or we can make things worse (adding to the momentum). Once a big object (like a 15 year old in love) has speed and power it has momentum. With understanding and wisdom parents only have influence to guide the object in motion, gently altering it’s course with subtle influential forces (you had better hope that you’ve established trust long before you exert attempt to influence).

Love is a crazy unexplainable thing that comes from the depth of our hearts. It is what it is… Mysterious and beautiful. If our 15 year old has our heart all along the way we might have already exerted influence many times along the way (hopefully in a good way), and when they really need us they know that they can trust us (meaning, we can speak into their life and be heard). To deny, condemn, or pretend that their love is wrong is to lose all trust and influence. But what do we do when they have chosen the wrong person? Part 3 tomorrow.

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Taking on Momentum: Parent Coaching Tips

Posted on December 3, 2011 by Craig Rogers

Momentum is a funny thing… It has a life force all of its own. Momentum involves millions of factors, most of which are unknown or unseen. These factors are all around us causing indirect and direct influence upon us. Most of these factors (enveloping and defining momentum) we have no control over! Absolutely no control whatsoever.

The truth is that “momentum” (factors contributing to momentum) are mostly unseen and we have no control over them. In many ways we are flying blind! But we act as though we are in total charge! Our addiction to control, comfort, position, relevance, desires, and just about everything in our lives drives us to behave as if we have control over momentum. But momentum has control over us and we are just along for the ride!

What does any of this have to do with “parenting” or “troubled teens”? Well, lets explore momentum and what we have actual power and control of… How much control do we exhibit over the boy your 15 year old daughter has a crush on? There is puberty and hormones… Natural human desires to “couple”… There is peer pressure, identity needs, and the natural desires to be “the one and only” in the life of that special person! Can a parent really think they can control the momentum of a 15 year old girl who has fallen in love (infatuated with) “that boy”? Can the 40 year old mother of two control her own momentum? Then why would she think she had control over here infatuated 15 year old? Don’t we all remember what it was like to be 15 and “in love?”

Mom and Dad, I am not saying that you just throw caution to the wind and stand back doing nothing as if your hands are completely tied. But you need to understand the complications (unseen momentum) that is more powerful than anything you have ever faced or dealt with (at least not since you were 15). So… If what I say about momentum is true, what can a parent do? What if the 15 year old is in love with someone you don’t want them involved with? Such as an older guy?

Well, I will be addressing these specific issues and more in the coming blog posts. But first, before we can explore our options of “what do we do when our 15 year old is dangerously close to a forbidden love?” we need to come to terms with momentum. Specifically, the unseen and powerful elements of human behavior that we can’t stop or eliminate. We certainly can’t dismiss them or ignore them as if they will go away. Above all things don’t get the idea that you can control momentum. Momentum is mysterious and bigger than “why”, “when”, or “should be”.

More tomorrow on momentum and the mysteries of the parenting universe!

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Parents & Troubled Teens: “People – the source of all ill’s & all hope”

Posted on December 1, 2011 by Craig Rogers

Guitarist with The Reason

Parents and Troubled Teens: “People are the source of all ill’s and all hope in the world”

by Craig Rogers, Parent Coach

Parents and Troubled Teens need to know that “People are the Source of all Ill’s and all hope in the World!”. This is probably a very simple concept, and you will probably ask, “why did he write about the obvious…. daaaa!” But what the title of this post states is a great deal more than the obvious.  People (parents and troubled teens) are the source of all ill’s and all hope in the world!  At least, the very least, all ill’s and all hope come through people.  Recently, I have witnessed the most ridiculous ills from people who are supposedly Christian.  Let me be the first to say, “by no means am I perfect and I am probably the worst of all… and I am not “enough” to be the judge of anyone else.  I am so far from perfect that it is extremely ridiculous for me to be the judge of anyone else…. at least until I overcome the millions of issues that I bring to the world each and every day!”

What I am talk about is simple, yet at the very same time it is perplexing… so perplexing that many billions of people over many thousands of years have tried in vain to grasp what I am talking about.  The truth is, “people suck!”  They are mean, hateful, selfish, self-absorbed, and live most of their life judging others as if they have a place to judge from.  People that I interact with are good people, but they are at their core rude, judgmental, and they are constantly evaluating my actions (and the actions of others) as if others exist for satisfy their addiction to judge.

Judgment makes people seem retarded!  To make judgments that are valid, understood, and valued one must first have their own act together.  People (parents) who are able to make judgments (based on the fact that they are righteous, integral, and powerful people who contribute to the betterment of all people) don’t judge others!  It really is that simple.  People who are in a place to judge, DONT!  They are in a place to judge because they don’t judge.  Instead of judging others, they encourage through hope, they empower through empathy, and they serve through genuine concern for others (they are caring, trustworthy, and they serve others without strings attached).  They look past the faults and flaws and others (“looking past” does not mean they ignore faults and flaws, but through humility and deep maturity they realize that they too have many faults and flaws) and see the value in people.  They feel responsible to bring out the best in others, and to invest into others in a way that will bring forth value for everyone to enjoy.  They feel accountable to others in such a way as to contribute to the world through patience, humility, and faith.  They have learned to love unconditionally, and no longer live by the Spirit of Performance.

If you think about it, what people (parents and troubled teens) of judgment do is evaluate others by what others can do for them!  Meaning, if someone does not do anything for them, if others don’t give up something that they want that serves them, then they are evaluated or judged based on “falling short!”  They are then labeled, put into a box, condemned, and berated.  How sad!  Guess what?  We all do it…. some more than others.  But the truth is that we get mad, angry, upset, frustrated, betrayed, disappointed, and let down ONLY BECAUSE SOMEONE DID NOT LIVE UP TO OUR EXPECTATIONS AND THEY DID NOT PERFORM IN A WAY THAT MADE OUR LIFE EASIER.

Many parents who consider themselves to be “Christians” are the worst “performance-based” judges.  They turn away the obvious gift (troubled teens), discount others based only on the fact that others are not serving their needs in the way that they deem appropriate.  At this point in the “judgment process” the judgers feel empowered to be rude, condenscending, mean-spirited, and talk down to those who do not measure up to their expectations.  Admit it…. we all do it.

When I come to realize that I have become prosecutor, judge, and jury, it is because someone has made my life more difficult, or did not live up to my expectations, put me out, or failed to meet my expected needs.  They have made my desires harder to fulfill, and they contributed to my “must deal with list”.  They (troubled teens) have put me “out” somehow, so therefore I dismiss them by judging their acts, judging their behavior, judging their intentions, and categorically I place them in the “less than” list (until such a time that they satisfy my wants, needs, and desires).  If we are going to be honest with ourselves (as parents who judge performance) we have to admit that most of us operate this way, and our outlook with people are based on what these people (the troubled teen) do for us (live up to our standards, meet our needs the way we wish, and how they best serve our immediate needs).

What does this have to do with “parents and troubled teens”?  Where do you think teens become troubled?  They witness us (parents, professionals, mentors, life coaches) do it to everyone around us, and we teach them that it is okay to minimize others solely on the fact that “others” do not measure up to our expectations.  We actually do this as parents to our children everyday.  It is totally human to judge others, and to dismiss the value of others (even our children) when they don’t serve our needs, wants, and desires in the way in which want.

Since we all do this the best gift that we have to troubled teens is to admit to this problem.  To admit that we are under the influence of the Spirit of Performance.  We do not excuse ourselves of the judgmental spirit that we operate by…. but when we notice that we are judging, and we become humble, and we admit that we are wrong and that we have hurt those we love and care for, then we become something more than a judge.  We become “believers, lovers of Christ, and a living example of His beautiful grace and mercy.”  Seriously, what make us beautiful is our humility and the grace of God as we exercise empathy, understanding, and forgiveness.

Where are you today?  Do you deserve to be the judge of others?  If you have been judgmental do you think its time to reflect and rethink the judgement?  Most likely, the judgement that you fall under is not about you, and you are being judge for their benefit and not yours.  Meaning, they are not “doing this to you, they are doing it for themselves”.  Give them a break, and exercise the spirit of Grace and be the example.

 

 

 

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Craig & Wendy Rogers | Abundant Life Academy, a new Chapter

Posted on September 5, 2011 by Craig Rogers

Boarding Schools Girls Posing

By Craig & Wendy Rogers, co-founders of Abundant Life Academy… a Christian boarding school for leaders.

Wendy and I, co-founders of Abundant Life Academy, declare empathically that we are at peace. We are secure with all things, and we have fought valiantly “the good fight”. We owe our peace and security to the fact that God is leading our hearts, directing our path, correcting us when we were off track, and has loved us to be people of valor and honor. In other words, God is in control and He has everything in His hands. Our faith is strong and our intentions are pure. Again, we are at great peace.

Over a period of time, mixed in with all the poor decisions I have made (I am far from perfect, having many flaws and deficits), I have lived a life of integrity. More importantly, I have honored people in ways that assures me that I have sown the good seed. Knowing that we reap what we sow, I am okay with taking responsibility for where I am and what is happening to me, and what is happening all around me. I am not a victim and I own the consequences of my choices. A true leader does not look to find fault, or blame, but looks at every situation and meets the need, even if it means sacrificing one self for the best interest of the whole.

Abundant Life Academy is a vision that I have carried for many years. The vision of ALA came about through a rough struggle I had as a troubled teen. Abundant Life Academy is a tribute to my parents, and always has been. My parents gave everything they had to help me through my tough years, but they were not equipped to handle the situation. Abundant Life Academy came about as an honor to my parents, especially my father. Had he only had access to knowledge that we provide to the ALA parents his life would have been so much more meaningful and complete. I will admit that I was one of the toughest and most perplexing children a parent could have, and I caused a great deal of chaos and disorder. So gifted with potential and greatness, but caught up with drugs and alcohol, almost costing my life. My parents never gave up hope and in faith they stood behind me. It all paid off.

Wendy on the other hand was almost the perfect child. She honored and respected her parents causing them no distress or harm. Wendy has been my angel, an angel sent by God to lead me through the pain and suffering, giving her life at my side, despite all the problems and trouble I faced. She is the most wonderful woman on earth, and her job (taking care of me) is the hardest job of all. Words can never express how much I love that girl.

My parents spent years in anguish, afraid of what I would do next, fearful that I wouldn’t make it another day, or have a future. Wendy was there at the tail end and was instrumental in turning me around. She never gave up the fight, and she saw the greatness in me. Being led by the Spirit of God she stood in the gap, faced the trials, and watched God work miracles in my life. She was there every step of the way as she walked with me through my education (college degrees) and all the great training I received so many years ago. Without Wendy, none of this would have happened. She is my champion, my hero, and the love of my life. No one deserves as much as I have received from Wendy’s dedication to me, our children, and Abundant Life Academy.

The truth is that after years of running therapeutic boarding schools for troubled teens I am the living example of why parents should never give up, never lose hope, because God answered the prayers of many when He pulled me out of the fire and sent me out to help others to avoid the years of pain and heartache I caused my parents and those who dared to love me. I am the living example of why you, as parents of ALA students, should never give up. The good seed was planted deep within my heart and on the chosen day God watered it, and I grew out of the ashes of death into a man of God eager to serve the King of Kings. Your child is the same way, so don’t give in to fear, or doubt, but grow in faith.

There is a new chapter that has begun at ALA, and an old one that has to be put away and labeled “the past”. Wendy and I are leaving Abundant Life Academy. There are many good reasons, and all of them we believe are based on faith, and understanding that we have a new part of the vision to complete. Over the last two years the pressure of running a Christian boarding school has taken its toll on me physically, and emotionally. Two years ago I found myself fighting for my life. For reasons that cannot be explained my upper colon twisted cutting off the circulation to the rest of my digestive system. I immediately went into severe pain and went unconscious. I don’t remember anything that happened over the following two weeks but learned later that I had come very close to death twice. The doctor that operated on me twice in 5 days told me that I was his “miracle”. Since that time I had 6 more surgeries and the problems still exist. It doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Last March I had my shoulder replaced. I have never known so much pain. During all of this I have not been able to take time off to properly heal or recover. There is always too much to do. The worst part of all is the depression that came with all the set backs, the continued surgeries, and now there is more. I have a hiatal hernia and massive ulcers in my esophagus. Who knows why, and it might be a complication that caused the twisting of my colon several years ago. I have had ongoing problems with nausea and other stomach issues that I had learned to live with. I can’t live with them any longer and something has to be done.

Therefore, Wendy and I are leaving ALA and right now our future is somewhat unclear. I would like to stick around and help out, and to give away everything that is in my heart and soul. But until we leave others will not step up and take over. There can’t be two heads in the leadership. I have lived Abundant Life Academy for 11 straight years and never have really taken off a single day. ALA is like a child to us, and its something that we raised up. We have gone into great debt (personally) to keep Abundant Life Academy open and serving families. I just know in my heart, and I have the peace that surpasses all understanding, that all will be well and God will not leave us nor forsake us. We have been through way too much over the years to have not grown deeply in our faith. God is our provider and we have lived under his precious previsions every single day. His provisions will not end.

Its time to move on, this we are sure of… and now it is time to follow the Spirit of Truth, leading us in a new direction. I truly believe that God is going to take us to a position to help many other schools and programs to become great. We have lots of experience and there are many who will greatly benefit from what we have to share. I believe that God has brought in the greatest crew of all the years I have had the pleasure to serve at ALA. I have worked hard over the last two years to teach, train, and raise up good people. We have left ALA in good hands. They are ready to take the reins and carry on the good work. Moreover, God has brought in an angel donor to provide the very best financial care for the students and families of Abundant Life Academy. It could not have come at a better time, nor could it have been anything but ordained by God, answers to many prayers, and now we are released to move on and take on our next ministry.

I have no regrets and no ill feelings; I am filled with gratitude and appreciation, and hopeful like never before. I am relieved and looking forward to a less stressful job, and I am content. I look forward to spending more time with my children (I know that they have sacrificed the most and have not had their father in the way God intended). I have nothing but joy. My wife is struggling a little more, she is the mother of ALA, and its harder for her to see this happen. Perhaps later down the road I will feel the great sense of loss, but for now I am filled with hope and determination to see this transfer happen. God led us to St George, and we are in the best place ever. With the new building and the new outlook, it’s the perfect time to leave and move on to the next step. We hung in there long enough to see ALA stable, healthy, and filled with hope. Again, I deeply appreciate all that we have been able to be a part of, the hundreds of families we served, and especially all the kids. It is an amazing thing to look back upon and the memories I have right now are good ones. We both can say that we lived a life of servant-hood, sacrifice, and of honor. I can’t think of anything better! Praise God for He receives all the glory and the honor, AMEN!

Craig & Wendy Rogers

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Emotional Intimidation | Using Strong Emotions to Control Others

Posted on September 5, 2011 by Craig Rogers

La vierge aux raisins

by Craig Rogers, Parent Coach, and former CEO and co-founder of Abundant Life Academy

Emotional Intimidation is something we all practice.  Especially when we attempt to “get our way”, and when we feel compelled to control others for our own comfort.  When we really get down to the place of honesty, the real and authentic deep self-reflective honesty, we must all come to the conclusion that we ALL practice some type or form of emotional intimidation. Emotional intimidation is inherent in our need to “control”. Our attempts to control our environment, control the people in our lives, and to control the outcome that is most favorable to us starts the day we are born.  At Abundant Life Academy (a therapeutic Christian boarding school for troubled teens) I taught on “Emotional Intelligence“, or EQ.  EQ is a place where we do not get enough training, and the important elements of EQ (accountability and responsibility) are the keys to relational success.  In this article we will explore a little about the notion of Emotional Intimidation, emotional terrorism, and our need to control others to get our needs met.

Recently, I was sitting on some bleachers watching a local high school football game. To my left was a woman sitting amongst her family holding a small child (I would say this adorable little girl with curly blonde ringlets was about 18 months old). This toddler was not a happy camper and she was letting the entire crowd know that she was unhappy. Her wailing was driving everyone crazy and she was much louder than the crowd of cheering football fans. Dad seemed to be really perturbed and his frustration level was evident upon his face. Finally, mom got up and took this precious little girl (she was as cute as a button) to the bottom of the bleachers, pacing back and forth. The child immediately stopped crying and seemed to be very happy. Unfortunately, mom brought the child back up to her little group of family and friends and the wailing started all over again.

Mom went through this dance with her child three times before she realized that her little darling was going to win. Mom stayed at the bottom of the bleachers the remainder of the game and missed some exciting football. This little bundle of joy made sure that she got her needs met, and come hell or high water she was going to use all her power to get her way. I said to myself (as I smiled in total admiration), “what an effective little emotional terrorist!” Now, before you get upset with me I will admit that an 18 month old does not have the cognitive ability to manipulate anyone. What she was doing was instinctual. Her only means of communication up to this point is to cry. The only way she can get her needs met is to cry. This is totally normal and the way it is supposed to be.

Philippians 4: 5- 9 “5Let all men know and perceive and recognize your unselfishness (your considerateness, your forbearing spirit). The Lord is near [He is coming soon]. 6Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. 7And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace]which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 8For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. 9Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.

Moreover, mom seemed to be an awesome mom. She did not lose her cool, and she seemed totally committed to that little girl. By taking her to the bottom of the bleachers mom took her to the place of comfort (they actually seemed to have fun together). It was amazing to watch. I am sure that mom didn’t mind missing the game (dad was intently watching their son play) and as a mom she did the right thing under the circumstances. Overall, it was an interesting display of family dynamics. My point in bringing up this scenario is the notion that some people never stop using “emotional intimidation” even after they are grown adults. The truth is that we all do it to some degree.

Have you ever known a person who is potentially emotionally explosive and you have to “walk on egg shells” whenever you are around them? And, there are certain topics that you just don’t bring up? That is emotional intimidation! There are some people who “shut down” and pout when confronted or challenged, especially when you challenge their poor decision-making (avoidance, denial, lying, passive-aggressiveness, etc.). There are hundreds of different tactics that describe emotional intimidation. Essentially, emotional intimidation is whenever you over-hype your emotional state for the purpose of compelling others to act in way that selfishly benefits us at the sake of others. It’s basically controlling others through strong emotions, coercing them to act against their will in order to meet our needs. People wanting to control their environment for the sake of comfort often use heightened emotional states to manipulate those around them. This is a form of emotional intelligence, or the lack thereof.

To some degree this type “emotional terrorism” plays out in every relationship. Those who have developed keenly honed skills of emotional manipulation (highly developed skills sets to avoid responsibility or accountability) use emotional terrorism to “get their” way. Unfortunately, they rarely get what they are looking for. As a matter of fact, they often get more of what they are trying to avoid. They give up the long-term peace for the short-term comfort, and never learn to grow or cope with adverse situations. They are selfish, self-centered, and narcissistic. They drain the peace and the hope from their relationships and then act as the victim. They are basically on the exact same emotional level as the little 18-month girl I described above.

There is a person that I work with that has these skills developed down to a science. He is highly manipulative, self-focused, and self-absorbed, but has fooled many people into seeing him as the victim. The sad thing is that he plays the victim well, and blames all his circumstances on other people. The truth is that he is highly gifted and totally capable of greatness in every respect. He simply struggles with being accountable for his own choices. I am not that much different than he is, none of us are. We all do it, but this guy seems stuck and all the pain and discomfort that he faces is never his fault. People actually buy his lies. He is basically a liar. But he doesn’t have to be… he has so much to offer, and his abilities are far greater than most. I think its an ingrained habit that he has failed to overcome.

More importantly, the most important facet of this topic is the truth that we all are emotional terrorist in one form or another. We use our emotions to “get our way”! I think it is unavoidable, and we don’t live in a world without disappointment or betrayal, and there is a great deal of unfairness. Therefore, we are all stuck in the cycle of emotionalism, some handling it better than others. If you are alive and breathing someone somewhere will let you down and stab you in the back. It is the way people are….

The most important thing about this topic is “how do we deal with an emotional intimidator”? There is only one way… and that is to focus on empathy, grace, understanding, and patience… with the intentions of helping the emotional intimidators to learn and grow, and to operate from a different more meaningful place. We all have an obligation to recognize this pattern of emotional manipulation within ourselves first, and then without judgment find a way of “empathy” to help others to learn and grow, without using shame or guilt. The place of empathy is a place of understanding and a place of mercy. It’s knowing in our hearts, through humility, that we are not “better” than others, and that we too will fall into that place of intimidation. Using our strong emotions in order to control our environment (people) and achieve peace. But it can only come through humility, giving back, and living a life of grace, reaching out to others with compassion and charity.

One final note… I have a long way too go before I can honestly say that I am in a place to help others to refrain from using emotional intimidation to get my needs fulfilled. I have a lot of work to do before I can righteously condemn another person for using emotional terrorism. But I am still a work in progress so I say, “Glory to God and I am so thankful that His promise is that He will never leave me nor forsake me!”

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